The world and the concept of feminism is getting stronger and stronger everyday. I feel it is truly incredible to see women finding their strength and seizing opportunities that were never before available to them. More women are living their purpose, whether it is a stay-at-home mom, working woman, single woman, business owner, etc.
I have found myself lost around this concept a bit this past year as I worked through finding my own way. I am continually realizing that one person’s ideals are not perfect for someone else. The way is through your heart and by sharing the beauty that you bring into this world. That may be through building businesses or raising a family or both.The beauty of this is, there is no wrong answer.
What I realized over this past year is that I felt very alone and lost. I would look at other people and how they lived their lives and was constantly questioning if I was doing the right thing. I judged out of my own insecurities. I am grateful for those ugly times as it has helped me see so much beauty and truth.
In finding my way, I realized that I am not a good stay at home mom. My mind doesn’t turn off. I get antsy and then frustration sets in. I am not present with my baby because my mind is wandering. The fairness game with my husband starts the second he walks in the door and I want to go hide in my office for a “break.” I give so much credit to mothers that stay at home with their children. They have a gift of love and patience that exudes from them. They plan regular outings, library trips, craft time, learning activities. They don’t ever get a break. I respect that. Not every women is meant to stay at home. I am one of them, and if you happen to be one as well, I encourage you to find something that sparks your interest. I also realized that having a nanny for 10 hours a day without seeing my baby wasn’t a good fit. I wasn’t a mom that could have a nanny for the work days and only see my kids on the weekend. I give strength to the women that do that out of necessity or choice. When I did try out that concept, I lost focus at work, felt guilty, missed my little one too much, and craved the days when I could have a day just her and me. I needed more. I played with my schedule until I found what fit for me. What fit for me was spending more time working from my home office. I shortened my days a bit (which has actually made me more productive). This way I could kiss my babe at lunch time or put her down for a nap if I wanted a little extra snuggle. My heart is full when I hear her laughing and playing in the house while I am busy in the office.
I had to create boundaries with this as well. When I am in my office and the door is closed, I am working and I can’t have interruptions. My focus needs to be on work. Through the course of a year and a half I feel I found a great fit for my goals and dreams. I am able to work on what I am passionate about, yet still have the energy to be a mom and wife when I’m not working. I am excited to be with my loves. I play and dance and love.
My biggest message around this topic, in a world of “multi-tasking is key” (I DISAGREE!!), is I encourage you to put full attention into whatever it is that you are choosing to do. The struggle is real for so many people today, especially women, when we are trying to juggle so much. If you are a working mom, set boundaries. Work when you are at work and be present when you are home. Don’t mix the two. Don’t wander through each day on a phone and checking emails while you are missing the beauty of your kids, it isn’t fair to them or you for that matter.
My biggest pet peeve is when moms bring their children to the office for meetings-this is a real thing! I know it is hard to always have care for your kids, but come on. Does Beyonce bring all three of her kids on stage during live performances because she didn’t want to search for a babysitter? NO! She shows up to work and gives her full attention her audience. She is not a mom in that moment, she is a performer.
My husband is a Financial Advisor. He works with people to set up their financial future. Does he go into meetings when you are about to make massive decisions on your financial freedom with Reese sitting on his lap eating Cheerios? NO. He is an incredible dad and he loves working with people that have similar family views, but he puts his dad hat away when he is at work because multi-tasking will get you nowhere. Setting these boundaries, even before you have a family, is crucial.
“Stop the glorification of busy” is a phrase that I am living by in 2018. This involves setting boundaries and labeling priorities. When I get my hair done, the baby stays home. That is me time. When I have a weekend with no appointments or plans, I do not need to add something simply to fill my calendar. When I feel run-down, I will not disappoint anyone by saying “no.” When I sit down at my desk, I have one tab open on my computer until I complete my task. Naturally, our minds run in a million directions. It takes consistency and discipline to be laser focused on the task or activity at hand, but you will be amazed how much you really get done in a day when the urge to multi-task is thrown out the window.