Not everyone wants to hear this, but this is a podcast where we get real. This is certainly a reality that everybody needs to understand in order to grow and move forward. To be honest, failing to take responsibility will lead to you failing in your business and relationships.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hey, hey and welcome to the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real in talking about ambition and growth and the reality of it. You know what I hate? I hate when people don’t take accountability for themselves; their actions, their inactions, their decisions in life.
This is seriously one of my biggest pet-peeves in life; probably my husband’s and my team’s as well because when I get bombarded with the, I didn’t do this because… I didn’t do that because… I didn’t take out the trash. I didn’t do my calls. I didn’t do…” You name it, or the, it isn’t fair, if only I had this… I will do this when… I got too busy… I was in the middle of… I don’t care.
I literally don’t care. I have learned that in life, you are a direct result of your choices, your actions or your inactions. Taking 100% control of just that, taking accountability for yourself and for others – yes, I said others. It doesn’t matter who made the mistake, who’s right, who’s wrong. When you are constantly going around blaming others for the results that you are seeing or not seeing, you will never grow.
You will never change because you aren’t open to seeing what it is that you could have done differently. It doesn’t matter who’s right or who’s wrong. All you’re doing is going around making up excuses as to why you aren’t to blame, why you aren’t successful, why your business isn’t where you want it to be, why you didn’t take the garbage out, like I mentioned before or why you didn’t work out this week.
I used to do this a lot and I don’t know what exactly changed within me, but something changed big time, much to do with confidence and also maybe realizing that you can’t change someone. I think this is a really huge lesson, especially in relationships. I learned it at an event that I went to a couple of years ago and it’s interesting, especially in romantic relationships and marriages.
You go into a marriage and a lot of marriages fail or have all of these issues down the road because you don’t accept your partner as they are or you think you can change someone and you have to remember that you fell in love with the person that you married. You don’t try to change someone.
On the opposite side, in business, when you want to do everything you possibly can to help someone be successful, there’s a difference. You can’t change someone. You can’t change their habits. You can help them. You can encourage them, but the only person that can change someone is themselves.
People will run circles around you with their excuses and made up stories about why they can’t. And just a reminder, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re always right, but you can change yourself. You can take accountability for what is happening in your life, and if you don’t like it, you have the power to change it; you and only you.
It’s your life. Not taking accountability for your life is just sad. I just saw it the other day with a client. I spent weeks working with them. My team spent months working with them. They wanted something really bad and we made it happen for them. It was like waving a magic wand.
We put together everything we could possibly put together to make this dream come true and all of the pieces work. And these are clients that honestly, in the grand scheme of things, it’s like, why? Why? They don’t listen to you because they know everything. They don’t do the things that you tell them to do because they’re busy; way busier than you, right? They have a busy schedule.
They go around wasting everyone’s time and have people dancing circles trying to make their dreams come true without a single acknowledgement, thank you, we appreciate you, which honestly, you don’t have with every client, but in this situation, it blows my mind that there wasn’t more gratitude and more thank you and more acknowledgement of what we were doing going above and beyond. But again, I’m not asking for a thank you. It’s more realizing about how people go about their day to day and the decisions that they make.
Then of course, the time comes when they realized they’re in too deep or they have cold feet or they didn’t do what you asked them to do, what you begged them to do, what you told them to do. And now, all the work is for nothing. And then all of a sudden, the books of emails come on why – the fucking excuses, my god people.
Because of this, because of that, blaming different conditions, blaming different people, circumstances, when the only person to blame was themselves. No sorry, no apology, just blame. Honestly, I think much came from embarrassment in this particular situation. And if you can look at other areas in your life maybe where you’ve acted out of place or maybe deep down you’re a little embarrassed of the way that you acted towards someone.
But nonetheless, being able to be strong and apologize, acknowledge that you were in the wrong or that you hurt someone or that wasn’t you, that goes a long way. It would have been much more powerful for them to say, look, we made a mistake. I’m really sorry. We just can’t do this right now, versus reaching and grasping and trying so hard to somehow come up with the idea that it’s all your fault; it’s external blame.
And you know what – the only person you are kidding is yourself, if you’ve ever been in this situation, and we all know that. But guess what – I don’t care. I literally don’t care. Everyone has the ability to create the life that they want. Everything in your life is a direct reflection of the decisions that you’ve made. Don’t waste other people’s time. Treat people with the same respect you want to be treated with. Apologize, take accountability rather than going around trying to validate your mistakes when you make them or bad decisions when you make them.
Stand in that truth, that’s where you can grow from them; by acknowledging and growing. We’re all human. We all fuck up. Guess what – get over it, move on. But that’s how we grow and I don’t know about you, but I have so much respect for the people that can say, “I’m sorry. Look, I made a mistake.”
I look at people like this, like my client in this situation, and I think to myself, “There is a reason why you are struggling. There is a reason why you are in the situation that you are in, a reason why you aren’t living the life that you want to live.” And that reason, that why, is you.
This client, this deal, in the grand scheme of my business, my income, my year, it doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t hurt me. Wasting my time and not taking accountability, that pisses me off, yeah, for sure. But more than anything, it’s sad to me how people live their lives, how they hold themselves back, not taking accountability in the choices that they make.
It affects their life much more than mine, however, regardless of being pissed off about my time and my team’s time, I look at what could I have done differently. How could I have advised them better? Where could I improve? I make it about me, not about them; that is the power of taking accountability.
You can’t change someone, but you can learn and you can grow and you can own your own choices and actions. You can get resourceful, learn, have hard conversations, get curious. The way you do one thing is the way that you do everything. Think about that for a minute. Just think about it; how you treat people, how you act, how you present yourself, how you show up, that is how you do everything. And that’s what’s going to come right back to you.
So the next time you’re in a bit of a fit or you’re not acting at your best or within your best values, think about that for a second and just realize, that’s going to come back to you tenfold. What you put out is what you get back. If you are constantly living in a place of scarcity, you will have scarcity. If you are constantly living in fear, you will not go after your dreams.
If you’re being treated a certain way and you don’t really love it, look at how you are treating others. My guess is there is probably some common mannerisms there.
I had a performance and leadership speaker come in and talk with my team recently and this is such a perfect example of just what I’m talking about. It was so interesting. A few weeks before he had come into my office – he was in another office and he had two guys, same industry as my industry, very different successes over the past year.
One sat there and snarled his nose at everything. You know, this guy’s positive, he’s there to give inspiration and get people excited about growing and setting big goals, and of course, this negative person in the front row was not having it. And also, of course, all the things that were coming out of his mouth were excuses.
I’m not successful because the market is bad. I’m not successful because there aren’t enough prospects. I’m not successful because of the economy. I don’t have the money to market. I have three kids and I don’t have the time. My manager is never there for me. Because it rained last Tuesday… You get it.
The guy next to him did 300 times the volume, same market, same manager, same time, same time in the business, three kids, a wife, all of the same. Come to find out, they were best friends. They started in the business at the exact same time. One was producing a million dollars a year, over a million dollars a year, and the other couldn’t afford to put food on the table for his family.
Same exact circumstances, literally, the only difference was their mindset, their discipline, accountability for their actions and what they did every single day. One was facing massive success and the other, massive failure.
A great question that this presenter and speaker asked following that example was, what do people do when they don’t see the results that they want? What do they do? Think about it for a second. What do you do? If you set a goal or you have something that you’re working on, you’re not seeing the results that you want, you’re on a new diet, you’re not seeing the results that you want, whatever it may be, what do you do?
He said there is a massive difference. Leaders, high producers, look within. Low producers, people that are struggling, look for external circumstances, things, people, external circumstances to blame. Interesting, right?
Look, if you want to achieve greatness in your life, so much of it comes from within you; who you are, what you are practicing in your life, how you are towards others, how you are towards yourself, what you think about yourself. If you want to change, only you are going to be able to make that happen, and the only way to make that happen is through accountability, disciplined accountability, or a significant emotional event.
Those are the two ways to make massive change. Most people will wait around until they feel a significant emotional event and then they will take action on something to make a difference. The only thing that is holding you back in life is you. That’s it. If you want to change, you need to decide. Take accountability for yourself and the people around you.
Take control and massive action in the direction that you seek. Create the life that you want, that you love, that you dream of. We only have one. I don’t know about you, but this is so empowering to me to know that you truly can achieve anything that you want in life. You are in control; you. So decide, what do you want? What do you want your life to look like?
Decide now, go get it, make a commitment and stick to it. Have accountability; that accountability is worth it. It’s your dreams, it’s your life, it’s your future. I’m sure that some of you probably didn’t want to hear this today, but you know what, like I said, we get real. And so look at certain areas in your life, where are you unhappy and where can you make some changes?
And just know that you are in control of that, ultimately you are in control of your destiny. So that’s it, you guys. Go make shit happen. Go create your life. Thank you so much for joining in. I absolutely love being here with you every week. I love getting your messages, your feedback.
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Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.