Many of you who know me, know that I love animals. Over the past few years I have gained an obsession with horses and Equus training. WOW. If you aren’t strong enough to call yourself on your own BS, I am telling you that a horse will never lie.
My most recent experience went a bit like this…
I felt so good going into the round pen. I had done this before, I had some training and riding lessons so I was pretty confident. In addition, I felt like I was in a really good place. I didn’t have any crazy chaos (above the norm;)) or specific answers I was looking for. I felt rather in control of my life, businesses and direction. I sent an intention to be open to receiving what my horse, Mocha, needed to give me.
The second I entered the round pen, my heart started to race. My breathe became very shallow and I couldn’t seem to center myself. I normally feel so strong and centered and able to get back to that place, but in this moment I couldn’t. I started to feel rather uncomfortable. Mocha was going CRAZY! She was literally bucking around, switching directions, and you could tell she was very uneasy. She wouldn’t come near me. I knew what was happening, she was feeling the energy within me. I knew that if I could just calm my energy and get grounded again, she would calm as well. I just kept feeling more and more anxious. Eventually I was able to calm myself through a bit of yoga (yes, I literally went to downward dog in the middle of the round pen). As I lifted my head and got back on my feet, Mocha was right there in my face. Pretty incredible right?
Have you ever felt this way in a situation? You feel so confident and sure of yourself. Maybe you have worked on a really tough relationship and feel so much more “in-control” of your feelings and thoughts…until you are in the moment and staring the horse in the face.
So what is the message? What within these moments do we need to show up for and feel out? I had to ask myself “what was it within me that evidently I thought I had figured out but didn’t?What were the feelings that came up when my horse was going crazy?” Maybe a little light was shed on the fact that outwardly I was presenting myself as “so figured out” but the inside was saying something different…
That day, I realized that I still had some work to do around control and faith. Letting go of the control that seems to be a security blanket for all of us. Allowing myself to be scared, release it and move on. Knowing that I have everything that I need within and how incredibly strong I am. What is so powerful from working with horses is the second I figured my shit out and was brave enough to stand in that pen and show my mess to the world (you know that mess that we try so hard to mask), I found strength, answers, power, love and compassion. Once I let that show up, I was able to connect to my horse, ground myself, and feel peace and strength within. We connected on such a deep level. Going from anxious and bucking around to following every direction I gave her. She fed off my energy. Once I stood in my strength and owned that, it was incredible. I regained my clarity, strength and power. I felt in control for a different reason.
Also, I had fun. We had fun! The power of connection, strength, inner peace. I literally felt like I was exuding rays of energy and sunshine from within.
Although I know that horses aren’t readily available at your fingertips, I welcome you to call yourself on your BS. Get really real with yourself. What are you trying to mask that maybe needs light shed on? Where is an area of fear or anxiety that you are trying to cover up with your “strength?” Once you can accept this, you will find the answers and guidance that you are seeking. It allows you to truly step into strength- and it is so freeing.
“If I am scared, be scared, allow it, release it” -Beyonce