On this week’s episode, I share a deeply personal story that changed my outlook on life at a time when I needed it the most. This change of perspective allowed me to really focus on the important things that not only helped my business grow but helped me thrive as a person.
Join me today and discover the questions you need the answers to in order to really reap the benefits of all your hard work. I’ve created a Free Worksheet to assist you in identifying your bigger picture goals and motivate you to keep them in focus so you don’t get lost in all the busyness that life throws at you. This is something I struggled to apply in my life, but now that I have, it’s changed everything.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello, hello and welcome to the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real in talking about life, ambition, growth and the reality of it. I’m really passionate about today’s episode. It is a lesson that I preach all of the time, especially with my team and business. Yet, for some reason, it’s still a little tough when I bring it on home into my own life and actually follow this concept and these rules.
To give you some context, I’m going to share an exercise that I did with you at the beginning of the year that was extremely powerful and really does help me, in my day to day and my week to week, really understand where I’m at and how to check myself when I need to. So you all know I am very much a Tony Robbins fan and I went to an event of his earlier this year, the end of last year, called Date with Destiny.
And with that, Tony touches on really getting in line with how you want to live your life and the vision that you have for your life. And during that process, we spend some time writing mission statements and understanding language and how powerful our vocabulary is with ourselves.
One of the things that he touches on is our internal dialogue and how we are talking to ourselves. And Tony teaches a concept on rules; language is all rules. So if you rewrite the rules to your own language, you can drastically change your feelings and the feeling states. So for example, I removed overwhelm from my vocabulary this year; yet I was still feeling very overwhelmed in my day to day recently.
And I kept thinking to myself, “I removed this word so I can’t use it.” However, the rule that I wrote to make it extremely difficult for me to actually achieve this sense of overwhelm goes a bit like this; not taking care of myself or not having enough play, laughter, joy, not simplifying or moving forward in any way, or not taking action, or not asking for help, or listening or connecting to my faith.
So really, when I looked back at these rules recently, I realized I was actually hitting a lot of them and that was a big eye-opener for me. I needed to reset and really understand that I was feeling overwhelm and the reason why is I wasn’t doing those things to help me not achieve that sensation, that feeling.
In addition to this, we write a mission statement for our life. My mission statement for this year, which I revise as needed – usually every year I reevaluate these, but my mission statement that I wrote this year was, “The purpose of my life is to love joyfully, find the beauty in every day and every person, live with courage creating opportunity for myself and others.”
We also wrote down a question. And my question for the year and how I question during the hard times is, “How do I become even more joyfully driven with an even deeper connection to my faith while living in an even deeper place of courage, love, and pure contribution?”
Now, mind you, all of these rules, the language that I created, the mission statement, the question, this is all a really complex exercise that we went through, but all of this came from a lack of feeling or a lack of how I was living my life in the past. And I remember vividly those moments in this time that I was going through and creating all of these new rules for myself and I was on such a high and I was so happy and it was so exciting and it felt so good because I get so caught up sometimes in just driving and pushing and not living joyfully and not really understanding that life is meant for something bigger.
So as I write this out and I think about it, it makes me sad. It’s so easy to get caught up, the complexities and the complication that we seem to give so many things in our day to day when we get back into our environment.
We get in our head, we don’t protect our time. We don’t take care of ourselves the way we should and it’s a downward spiral from there. The more aware you are of these times and willing to actually acknowledge them gives you the power to take that control back. The clearer you are on all of the above will give you very clear perspective on if and how you are living within your purpose; your mission statement, your rules.
And it’s honestly a dose of reality when you aren’t. So I have this board with all of my rules on there. It has my mission statement, my letters of the year, my question that I ask myself. And when I start my day off looking at this and reading through it, it really gets me grounded for the day. But when I get caught up in the busyness, I overcomplicate things, I’m not doing the things I need to do on a daily basis, and then I start to really create the chaos.
I can tell you that I was in the thick of many of the negative thoughts and feelings and overwhelm recently. And it went a little bit like this; I was cranky, I was super cranky towards my husband because of everything that needed to be done around the house, with our baby, with just life in general.
We were headed out of town for the weekend and it was Thursday night. We were about to set out on a 12-hour car ride the next day for a less than – well about a 48-hour weekend in a different city for a friend’s wedding. I am not a huge fan of weddings either, so I was extra bitter that the first weekend in four months that I was spending away and taking time out of my work was for a wedding.
That’s the first red flag here is that this is the first weekend that I’m actually getting out in four months. I know better than this. I truly do. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love these friends that are getting married. I’m so happy that we’re able to be a part of it and I love celebrating happiness with people; I’m just that person, like I didn’t have a wedding and I think everybody’s different. Everybody has a different perspective on things and so weddings just aren’t my favorite always.
So I was a bit bitter and I had a ton to do. It was about six o’clock the night before we were planning to leave. I hadn’t packed; not even a little bit. Not even like one thing. I had a super busy day that day that I still had to wrap up. I had emails to do. I had client follow ups to do. I needed to get my team prepped for being out of the office for a few days; all of those things.
So as we were eating dinner, my husband says, “How was your day?” And it was like six o’clock, like I mentioned. And I said, “Well…” Super enthusiastically, “My day literally hasn’t started. I have so much to do.” Leaving for the weekend just seemed like so much more work on top of what I was already juggling.
I’ll remind you that my husband and I have been together for about 15 years, so he knows me and he knows that I get in these places from time to time. He usually just lets me vent and he knows that I just need some time and some space.
So he looks at me and he says, “I hate to be a downer, but did you hear about so and so?” It was a former colleague of mine. And I said, “No, why?” And he said, “Well, I just heard today that he was diagnosed with stage four cancer and he was given two to three months to live.” Talk about an awakening and snap out of my whole oh woe is me; I have a lot of shit to do.
I had no idea, so, of course, I was just taken back a bit. A little later, my husband took my daughter and my dogs out so that I could finish up some work and I was really taken back by the by the news and just sad. I wanted to find out a little bit more and see if I could find any other information.
And before I even had to reach out to anyone, I just opened up Facebook, because everybody’s on Facebook, and I found out that he had passed away the night before. Those months turned into a few short weeks. He left his wife and his daughter behind and devastated. All of my problems and to-dos and overwhelm were so insignificant in that moment, and honestly, still is.
This particular person was extremely successful. They worked a lot. From the outside, life was their work. And I often wonder when something like this happens, did they have any regrets? If they knew this I show it would end, would they have lived their life any differently? Obviously, that is not my business and it’s not about me trying to be insensitive, but it’s more so in the sense of me acknowledging how quickly life can change and challenging those thoughts to myself.
I know these tragic events happen all the time. Our loved ones, family, friends are taken from us too soon and it’s a reminder that we never know how much time we have here in this life. It sure makes me look at my life differently. It makes me go back to my purpose, my why, my values, what I want my life to look like, what’s important, what’s not, live my life for me rather than my life living me.
Why does it take us until these moments to sometimes get out of our heads and realize just how precious our life is? I guarantee you, my colleague’s daughter or wife would have so happily taken on all of my problems, my so-called problems, to have their dad and their husband back, even for a short period of time.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t get to feel what we need to feel. Just because this was a tragic loss, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to give myself grace and compassion through the hard times, regardless of how they relate in terms of significance. I think that’s a really big thing for people to understand.
Just because someone may seem to have more problems or their problem is bigger than yours, doesn’t mean that you don’t need to give yourself that time, that love that you need. We all have to live more. We don’t know how much time we have on this earth. We don’t know how much time we have with our loved ones. Why not enjoy them more? Why not live our lives more rather than allowing our lives to live us?
This weekend gave me clarity. The loss gave me perspective, love, and empathy. I embraced a six-hour car ride with my little love and guess what – we had a lot of fun. We explored a new place, which is our favorite thing in the world. I got to spend so much quality time with my baby over Mother’s Day weekend; what more could a mom ask for?
My husband was in a wedding. He was busy with wedding stuff, but he also got to enjoy lifelong friendships and have a really great time. The weekend was busy. It was full of laughter and silliness and snuggles and adventure; no naps, very little sleep, a hung-over husband, tantrums from both my husband and my baby, but it was great.
These times away are always a very clear reminder of how much I need them. I come back feeling refreshed and clear. I’m able to realign with my purpose and passion and rules, take control of my calendar and my schedule, my mindset, reset, refresh. I’m able to see what I wasn’t doing for myself and what I need to change. I’m also able to find the simplicity in the day to day again.
Life doesn’t have to be so complicated. Business doesn’t have to be so complicated. Problems and struggles can be and are a blessing. So today, I ask you, what is your purpose in life? Are you living up to your own values? What are your values? What’s your mission? Are you living your life for you or is your life living you? What do you need?
When you get caught up in these complexities of life, what does that look like? What are your triggers? How do you know when you need to check yourself and reset? What do you need in order to do that? Because it’s different for everybody. For me, it’s travel. It’s getting outside of my environment.
As much as I am a homebody and I love to be at home, getting out of my own environment allows me to see life and have a different perspective, which is really powerful for me. And that travel is with my husband or my daughter, or my husband and my daughter, my really close friends or family that get me and that I really enjoy being around. I know what I need, which is really the first step; know what you need.
The part that I know and I am very well aware of what I need to work on is actually saying yes to the things that serve me; actually allowing myself that break, that time away, doing the things that I know are going to help me be more productive and more clear and live in line with who I am and what my values are and my mission statement is.
But you know what, we all get really busy in life and it’s really simple and easy to say no or to just say, “You know what, I’m going to stay home or I shouldn’t spend money on this or I shouldn’t take any more time off of work or I really should stay here and work on this project.” Whatever it may be, say yes to the things that are going to help you achieve those things that much quicker.
It’s a no-brainer. It makes total sense to me; it’s actually doing it. I absolutely loved doing this exercise. It was really powerful for me and it’s such a great reminder for me to go back to. And like I said, when I’m consistent about going back to this every day, it really allows me to get grounded and takes me back to that place. You always need to have that reminder and be able to review it in order to make it habit, make it a part of who you are.
And because this has helped me so much, I wanted to share some of the concepts with you on a big-picture level. I can’t get into the nitty-gritty detail, but I put together a really great worksheet to help you understand and guide you through what this looks like. What are your rules for your language? How do you create them? What’s your mission statement? What’s a question that you can ask yourself every day if you need to, every week, to make sure that you’re on line with the life that you want to live.
So I have a great worksheet that will guide you through that; I hope you can take some time to do that for yourself. You owe it to yourself and it’s a really fun process too. So you can check that out at loveyourlivingonline.com/7.
Also, as always, I really love hearing from you, so if you have feedback that you can share, this will help other women just like you find the show that might find it valuable. You can visit loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes for directions on how you can review the show. I hope you all have a great week. Remember the big picture. Remember what’s important and to really live life to your fullest. We never know how much longer we have here. We’ll see y’all next week.
And, of course, if you think we might be onto something great with our mission and passion to help women create a business and a life that they love, please take the time to leave me a review in iTunes. I love hearing your feedback and this will help other women just like you find the show. You can visit us at loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes for directions on how you can review the show. Thank you so much for joining me this week and I can’t wait to see you next week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.