Well in this week’s podcast, I’m equipping you with the knowledge you need to properly deal with negativity – both from complete strangers and the people around you. When you make the decision to go in an exciting new direction, it’s inevitable that you will come across people who can’t wait to take satisfaction from seeing you fail, but you might be surprised to learn why you don’t need to focus on them.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello and welcome to the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real in talking about ambition and growth and the reality of it. Thanks so much for tuning in this week. Our episode this week is entitled, Dear Haters…
Have you ever set out on a new adventure, career, direction in life and at first, you’re filled with excitement; the opportunity that awaits is just around the corner. It feels rejuvenating, refreshing. Your life is about to change forever and you can barely contain yourself. And then, all of a sudden, the noise of other people’s opinions starts to set in.
The, “Don’t you think that’s a little risky,” comments, or, “Are you sure this is a smart decision?” From your loved ones. And from outsiders, you can just feel it. It’s the, “Who does she think she is? I can’t wait to see you fail. You’ll never make it. You don’t have what it takes.”
And then the internal voice starts saying and thinking, “What if they’re right?” But you go on anyway. You use their noise to fuel your success and your drive. You set out to prove everyone wrong and, in some way, or another, you do. Now everyone will be nice and happy for you, right?
No, not always. Yes, you will receive a ton of love and support and encouragement from the people that love you and believe in you. But you’re also going to receive your fair share of haters and negativity. So I’m going to go back a few years, like 15 plus. Do you remember that mean girl in high school; usually an older, popular figure that makes it her mission in life to make you feel like shit and struggle every day?
I do. I had that mean girl and I think everyone has probably had that mean girl or guy, whomever it was. For me, it was my freshman year. It was a time that was, you know – it’s a hard time as young girls stepping into a new scene and not really being all that sure of themselves and confident in themselves.
So I was just headed into the high school, it was a big move for me, and I caught the eye of a popular older boy. And I mean seriously, I was like an innocent baby at the time. And it’s really funny looking back, but I think a lot of people go through this and it’s just one of those stories along the way.
Of course, this older boy also had an older serious girlfriend – ex-girlfriend at the time; recent ex-girlfriend. So of course, she made my first few months of high school a living hell; or at least she tried to. Every day it was nerve-wracking to walk down a hall. And oh my gosh, if I was by myself and her group of friends, it was making fun of me, calling me names.
All of those things that hurt, they hurt really bad, especially at my age. But you know what – I got over it. I had my really close group of girlfriends that loved me and cared about me and that’s what I needed. And in the end, I got stronger because of her.
And now, looking back, I realize, she was just really sad and jealous. I didn’t do anything wrong, but it was her way of coping with her own stuff. I’ve been in this place in growing my businesses at times as well. I went through a really hard time a few years back.
I felt extremely alone and that everyone wanted me to fail. They were just waiting, lurking, ready to pounce on any bad move, on any failure and make it turn into a mountain; at least, in their eyes, something to come at me with.
At least that’s how I felt; I felt alone. And the cool thing is I’ve had so many friends now that have been through the same things, especially through big areas and timeframes of growth and new things and risk. I know that I’m not alone in this.
A friend at the time gave me some really, really great advice and he said, “The bigger you get, the bigger the target on your back gets.” And I’ve carried this with me and found so much truth in it. The more you do, the more you stand out, raise your voice, make a scene, be seen, the more people are going to have an opinion of you.
What I’ve realized through these times and feeling states is that when someone has such a strong opinion of you, it’s not about you; it’s about them. They have some sort of jealousy, envy, whatever it may be, insecurity, and they’re busting your ass about it.
Oftentimes, it’s a quality that either lives within them, that they either like or they dislike, but it’s not about you; it’s about them. And honestly, what other people think about you, it’s none of your business; it really isn’t. When we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone and stand in the face of fear, it’s hard.
We must surround ourselves with people that are going to lift us up and believe in us; that have our back, that love us. And we must do the same; love ourselves, be ourselves, believe in ourselves. It’s so easy to start going around seeking outside validation, but what will happen is you will start to lose your nerve. You’ll start to lose your confidence and your clarity.
You will lose all that excitement and confidence and you’ll start to second guess yourself, second guess your direction, your worthiness, your capability and you will find so much supporting evidence that you will quit. You will quit before you find out what you’re truly capable of.
This is why the statistics of an industry, and wealth in general, in our country is created by an elite top percent of producers. It’s hard. It’s hard to push yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s hard to stand in the face of fear and keep going anyway.
And too many people quit and give up. They give up on themselves before they find and achieve their own greatness, their own passion, their own love of life and what they’re truly capable of. Please know that during these times, you’re not alone.
You have love all around you. You’re capable of anything and everything that you could dream of in life. And know that when you get hit with negativity and hate from others, it isn’t about you, it’s about them. And rather than fighting a battle back, give them kindness and love.
Now, don’t get me wrong; you have to stand up for yourself. I really do believe in that. I think you have to stand strong to be a good leader and to be respected and to be able to respect yourself. You have to respect yourself before anybody else is going to respect you.
But remove the toxic relationships and draw boundaries around people that suck your energy. I’m all about this. No one deserves your friendship when they’ve fucked you over or acted in a manner that really doesn’t align with what your values are; done, gone, move on.
But to me, if someone is wasting time and energy and ill words, drama, negativity, don’t stoop to their level. Don’t allow them your time and energy. They don’t deserve it. Forgive and move on. Remember, you are forgiving for you so that you can move on.
I know that this is a really hard concept. I had to really work on this, but if you think about all the time – think about a situation or a person or something that happened in your life that you dwell on and you think about it and you think about it and you think about it, think about all that time that you’ve spent worrying about what other people might think or making up a story around the situation and how aggravated you are in that moment.
Think about the days that have been consumed fighting a negative battle that someone else started. Don’t do it. Do not allow them to win. When you allow them to affect how you feel and where your focus is, they win. No one has the right to take your precious time, especially with a bunch of bullshit.
I hate excuses. I hate piddly shit, I hate a waste of time, I hate drama. It’s not worth your time, life is way too short to be focusing on some of that stuff. I can tell you that I just had a hater this week. And you know what – I cheers-ed them.
Because of them, I shared this story with you. And hopefully, this will allow you to look at negativity and haters differently. Tory Burch says – I read this in an article a couple of years ago and it has stuck with me ever since. I absolutely love it. She has a billion-dollar empire now, but when she first started out, she started out her clothing line in her home with four kids running around. She’d work all hours of the night and she was really putting herself out there.
And her mom said to her, “Negativity is noise.” If you’re doing something, anything, even if it’s a negative comment, it’s negativity back on anything that you’re doing, you’re being seen. You’re being heard. Negativity is noise. It’s a positive thing.
So I see negativity as noise now. I look at haters differently. I’m at a place in my life where I love me. I love who I am and if someone doesn’t like me, they don’t like my business, my opinion, my voice, that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own life on their own terms.
But something is really wrong when you have to go around and spend your precious time trying to bring someone else down. So, sorry I’m not sorry, in Beyoncé’s language. Dear haters, I love you and thank you. To me, it means I’m doing something right.
I hope you can take something out of this message because I really feel especially women, women in general, are so hard on themselves and their so hard on each other. There’s so much judgment there. If you find negativity coming at you and in this place, tighten up your tribe. Get around people that love you.
You need to have a squad that truly knows you, that can check you on your own BS too and support you when you need love during harder times. And also, this is a really good lesson if you’re someone out there that’s stirring up the shit. If you are a hater out there, why are you doing it? Why are you wasting your time and energy in someone else’s business?
And also, remember that when we do these kinds of things, it’s like looking in a mirror. You put out what you’re feeling inside. There’s something there. There’s a bigger message there. Life is way too short to be caught up in drama and spreading drama. Go do something with love.
Give yourself love, love to other people, respect other people for who they are. That’s what makes our world so great, that everybody is different. Don’t be afraid to stand out. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat, to be seen, to make noise. Just remember, negativity is noise and it’s not about you, it’s about them. So dear haters, thank you, I love you.
On a positive note, if you tuned in last week, I did an episode about creating more of what you love in your life and I created a great little worksheet that accompanied last week’s episode. If you missed it last week, you can find it in today’s show notes. And it just helps you get moving in a direction of positivity and fun and passion and creating what you crave in your life now.
So you can check it out in today’s show notes. Go and download your copy. It’s totally free and a fun little worksheet. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much and have a great week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.