So, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about ego and how that badge of honor, that title or position, becomes such a big part of who we are that it starts to hold us back. Women especially seek significance in their worthiness of success (Spoiler alert: You are already enough.) When we’re not aware of ego as a driving force, it can wreak major havoc on our self-esteem.
Join me as I dig deep into the importance of becoming aware of our egos and how holding onto limiting beliefs feed our insecurities and drive for external validation. I’m sharing a couple of fellow female badasses as great sources of inspiration for you, as well!
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello and welcome to episode three of the Love Your Living podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. Today, we are talking about a topic that has come up a lot in my conversations recently; whether it’s a podcast that I’m listening to, a fellow entrepreneur that I’m chatting with, coaching my team, reading all my favorite self-help growth mindset books or just listening to my girl B and shopping at Spiritual Gangster – and that is ego.
Beyoncé has a great song called “Ego.” I’m not going to sing it for you. I’ll spare you that today, but you should check it out if you’re a B fan. There’s a great new yoga tee in the Spiritual Gangster spring line and it says, “Your ego is not your amigo.” I love it. And one of my favorite books also references your ego as your big snooze; AKA BS. I’ll come back to that. The book is You Are a Badass.
And in a recent podcast that I was listening to, the Dais Podcast by Rachel Hollis, she was interviewing her husband on his transition from leaving his title of President at Disney to join forces with her at The Chic Site, her company that she founded.
And this is a pretty massive change. This is a huge career change. He talks about the road to where they are and his 17-year career and success that he was leaving to charter new waters with his wife. And he says, their entire life and their career choices have been driven by certainty – safe planned control – until only a few short years ago.
They started to say yes to the discomfort. They started to say yes to the new opportunities that were presenting themselves, that they didn’t know the outcomes of. He and Rachel started to step outside of their comfort zone of certainty. And when they started to do that, their life unfolded in an entirely different way – started to unfold; it’s still unfolding.
Rachel noted that there was so much that she struggled with in the past; working so hard, trying so hard. And when she stepped into the discomfort and started saying yes to some of it, all of a sudden, things just started to happen. Things started to align. Doors were opening. More opportunity was presenting itself.
It’s interesting, right. I could go on and on about this topic, the topic of getting in your flow and your energy and what you focus on; that’s where your energy goes. Where focus goes, energy flows. It’s the law of attraction. I’ll save that for a different day because it’s a whole other topic, but it’s so interesting.
Back to David Hollis – he worked for 17 years at Disney. He worked up the corporate ladder and has achieved massive success. President of Disney in his early 40s, it’s pretty incredible. And with that, he noted that a part of his title had become his identity. Rightfully so, those letters at the end of his name, those are pretty big letters. It became a source of his significance; a badge of honor.
And this is the significance that we all so desperately long for at times, that we seek. And he says – and quite frankly, I think it’s pretty perfect – “I really had to get over myself.” That’s so honest. That is ego, my friends; it’s ego. Your ego is not your amigo.
So interestingly enough, a few days later I was chatting with a girlfriend. She’s extremely successful in her business. She climbed the corporate ladder. She earned her letters and then she decided to spread her wings into uncharted territory, otherwise known as entrepreneurship.
So she said that one of the hardest parts of leaving her job was that title. It was her badge of honor, of working her ass off and proving her achievements and success. And for her, it was very much in a man’s world. Climbing the corporate ladder in a man’s world, that’s no easy feat. Women especially are seeking significance in their worthiness of success.
And then, just last week I met with a client who is leaving his job of 20 years. He’s moving across the country. He’s leaving literally everything within a two-week time period. Why? Well, he said to me, “I’m incredibly loyal and I have been with this company for 20 years, but I thought I was losing my mind. I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing anymore. I just worked and worked and worked. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel fulfilled and you can’t live like that. I needed to push myself. I needed to do something that scared me and made me grow.”
Each of them, in their own words, said it’s really hard stepping outside of the title or the change into a world that many people don’t understand until eventually they want to be you. It’s easy to judge from the sidelines, especially in the beginning; standing strong, being courageous, making that change, stepping up, isn’t this the story of so many greats?
They just kept going, proving people wrong, getting back up when people didn’t believe in them, when their ideas were crazy, when they looked stupid, when they made a mistake. What a joke – until they aren’t and they are the people making change in the world, creating an incredible life for themselves and their families; all because they were brave enough to get uncomfortable and also to step into uncertainty. In all of these cases, ego is driving. Our ego is trying to protect, us to keep us safe, make us feel good.
Last year, I was starting out on a new journey. I made some big changes in my life’s direction, in my purpose, my businesses. Most have been positive, but with that, my kitchen flooded and I broke my foot. And ironically, at this time, I started reading You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. And she writes, “When you make massive change and step outside of your comfort zone, your ego…” Otherwise referenced in the book as big snooze – BS for short, “May go a little haywire.” Ego has a different meaning in the self-help spiritual world. It’s used to shadow self or the false self.
It is the part of us that is driving the bus when we do things like sabotage our happiness by doing things that aren’t us but that come from deep down; not feeling worthy of being loved or the part of us that refuses to follow our hearts and our purpose and pursue our big goals because we’re terrified to be seen for who we really are. Or the part of us that goes on and on about how great we are and show off our muscles because we’re insecure and we need a lot of outside validation that we’re good enough.
The big snooze operates according to your limiting false beliefs. So when you make massive change to challenge your subconscious and your limiting beliefs, BS is not happy with you and it will do everything in its power to sabotage your growth.
So the message that I’m getting here is be conscious of when your ego is in the forefront and keep going. Believe in yourself and know that you are enough.
I can tell you that there are days that are really hard. It’s the unknown, you don’t know the outcome, you second-guess yourself, your ability, your choices, your worthiness. It can be really hard and really scary, but you just have to keep going and push through that. Keep saying yes.
Finding your way, in one way or another, leads to something else that is great, new and uncomfortable. And then the same thing just keeps happening. And that’s growth. That is growth. Growth happens when you stretch yourself beyond your comfort. Everyone has their own tolerance of discomfort, but when you go there and you push beyond, that is where the growth happens.
I love hearing these stories and having these conversations because they’re real. When you see someone achieving massive success, you don’t realize all the long nights, the hard work, the self-doubt, the uncomfortable times, the failure that they have endured.
We hear all these glorious success stories and how it’s all just magic, you know, it’s just a magical dream now. I call bullshit. And this couldn’t be further from the truth for so many people when you’re first starting out and you’re growing on this path of growth and you don’t feel supported and you feel like everybody’s watching you and judging you from the sidelines.
You really have to believe in yourself. Growth is powerful and it’s fulfilling, but the only way you’re going to live the life that you were meant to live is to push yourself beyond that discomfort and stop giving a shit about what people think about you; that’s a big one too.
So where in your life is your ego driving you action-wise or emotion? Just know that you are not alone. You need to stand strong, get back up and get back to leading and listening to your heart. This is what life is truly all about. Your heart will always know the way.
I’ve referenced a few people in this episode that touch on ego; specifically, when we have these big goals in life. A few reads that I love are You Are a Badass. It’s a super easy read and Jen Sincero makes really simple to associate yourself to the different concepts in the book.
I am also a little obsessed with Rachel Hollis; a fellow boss, mom of four and groupie of Mister Tony Robins. Her new book, Girl, Wash Your Face is next on my read list and her Insta game is pretty strong, so check her out @msrachelhollis as well. She is just blowing it up right now. And she’s also one of the first ones to say success doesn’t happen overnight and she’s really getting out there and getting seen right now.
But it’s been a long road for her and I love that she tells the story and she’s raw and she’s real and she’s a mom and she’s an incredibly successful businesswoman as well; so check her out.
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