I have a mentor that came up with this phrase and I couldn’t love it more, especially right now.
Recently I have felt this sense of calm amidst the chaos. It’s like I am the strong, peaceful center among all these crazy pieces and parts flying around me. I find myself feeling really damn powerful in my own skin. Incredibly proud of who I am. Strong, courageous, confident.
Thats a pretty big fucking deal for me.
So, of course, I ask myself why? I question why, not because I don’t think that I am worthy of this, but because this is something I have been working towards my entire life.
Worthiness. True worthiness.
So what changed? Well, I honestly don’t feel like you can snap your fingers and miraculously find a state of mind that rids you of all your insecurities. This is a path I have walked for years. I know that many women do. For me, my way of coping was do all the things I thought I needed to do in order to be seen a certain way. I dressed how I thought people would perceive me as successful. I talked, walked, acted in a way that kept me feeling poised, composed, “put together”. This is such an exhausting and unfulfilling way to live. Constantly judging yourself every second of every day, worried about what people think of you.
I truly and honestly mean it when I say fuck that. I attribute much of this growth to actually doing the work. Pushing through so much discomfort. Putting myself out there, even if I was scared. Finding other women that are walking the same walk because it isn’t easy, especially in the beginning, especially for women. So I found a tribe that believed in me. I separated from the people in my life that weren’t good for me and dropping the guilt around that. I realized that who I choose to spend time with, and how I spend that time, is no one else’s business but my own. It’s my life and I get to choose.
There’s so much judgement in the world but I am pretty much over it. If you don’t like me, I don’t care. This is me and I am pretty in love with me right now.
I want every women to feel this way. I want every women to feel the power and strength that I currently have within myself. It’s like euphoria! The amazing thing is that me loving myself also has positive effect on the people around me. It’s great for the them, great for my husband, great for my business because the more love I have for myself, the more love I am able to give others.
What is the one piece of advice that I could give you so you can get to where I am?
Let yourself be seen.
It does take time, but slowly start to put the real you out there. If you are like me when I started this journey 3 YEARS AGO (!!!) you will need to re-discover yourself again. Be patient with yourself. Feel your way through your days. Do more of what feels good.
Know that self talk matters! Listen to the conversations that happen between your ears. Acknowledge them, challenge them with kindness. Do things for YOU.
It’s not always easy to do that. Just this week I found myself having a conversation with myself. It’s my birthday this week and I happened to pick up Kristen Cavallari’s new cook book that was on display (on the heaping book table) at Costco. I loved the recipes and the book is beautiful. I also follow on her on Insta and although I have historically found her OBNOXIOUS, I actually have a new found respect for her (releasing my judgement). She has a beautiful family, I LOVE her style and she has some very successful business endeavors for a girl that probably doesn’t have to work. I respect that. So anyway…I saw that she recently launched a new shoe line and I fell in love with a pair of her shoes. Actually it was more like 3 pairs, but almost all of them were sold out. After searching multiple sites, I found a site that had one of the designs in my size. I added them to the cart and it said, only 1 pair left!… But it took me 3 hours to buy a $200 pair of shoes. I literally overheard myself in the shower saying, well… you don’t really need much for your birthday, we have a lot going on.. I have what I need… I have enough. WTF! THAT SHIT CRAY! It’s my birthday! I am busting my ass in every area of my world, giving EVERYTHING yet I am telling myself and the universe, that is okay, I don’t really need anything, I have enough. I shouldn’t buy myself a birthday gift. When I caught myself, I ran to my computer and bought those sweet shoes while they were still available.
Seriously, listen to your convos. Give yourself love and kindness. Start with baby steps. Listen to what do you say to yourself when you catch your reflection in the mirror. Find things that lift you up. One example that works for me is browsing through my husbands phone and finding all the photos that he takes of me when I don’t know it. That makes my heart melt. Find what makes you feel good. Keep going when it feels uncomfortable! Know that growth isn’t easy and our society is obsessed with fitting in. Don’t fit in- stand out! Let that be your goal. And be sure to give yourself grace & love, you will need it.
I will meet you on the other side!