I know I’m not the only person to have had these thoughts through this magical but tough time. It was at this point that I realized I need some ladies in my life…
Join me on the podcast this week to hear how I navigated a lack of female energy in my business to emerge from the other side of the struggle with a fresh perspective. Tune in to discover how I feel we can step into our feminine superpower to create lasting change and become the leaders that our world so desperately needs.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello, hello and welcome to the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real in talking about ambition and growth and the reality of it. So today, I’m going to be sitting on the hot-seat a little bit and I can’t wait to hear all the feedback that I’m sure we’re going to see and hear and I am very excited about it.
So I’m talking a bit about my experience in business with men and women. Now here’s the thing; I have been very honest about the fact that I have rolled with the boys the majority of my career. I have my girls that I love, but when it comes to business, especially just starting out, I tended to really gravitate towards male presence and surrounding myself with guys that had similar goals and that were getting after it.
Why? Well I guess because most of the women that were in my direct reach, they didn’t have those goals. And the groups and the associations that I joined also didn’t have a strong female presence. It was generally and typically mostly male.
So as many of you know, I recently welcomed a sweet little lady into this world, and during this time and after, my life changed. My life has changed completely. My business changed, my goals, outlook, perspective, schedule, hormones. Oh my gosh, everything changed. It changed for the best and I’m truly grateful and so happy, but nonetheless, it made me look at life a little differently.
All of a sudden, I found myself feeling a little alone after I had her, especially when I dove back into work. And not alone because those friends were all of a sudden gone, but alone because all of my successful peers, accountability partners, they were all guys.
And to be honest, regardless of the fact that many of these men were also fathers themselves, they had no idea. Yes, maybe an idea because they’ve gone through it with their wives but having to and trying to manage a business and life and your goals and your emotions, they had no idea what this extra dynamic brought into my life and to my business.
Yes, some have kids and the majority also had massive support from their partners and it almost created, for me, a sense of weakness. I felt like I was looked at differently, but the truth was, I looked at myself differently. I looked at myself and saw weakness, which is just insane.
I saw myself doing what many of the women in my business were doing that, in the past, I’ve thought of as weaknesses or excuses that they were making up. I didn’t really get it at the time. And then I suddenly saw a lot of those same characteristics in myself and within my life and I didn’t love that.
My baby now took the front seat in my life and I had this internal dialogue with myself around that time; time management, giving enough to everyone, wondering if this is what I wanted. I vividly remember being nine months pregnant, thinking, what the fuck did I do? Which is just crazy.
The sad thing is I know that I’m not the only one that’s had these thoughts. I hear it, regardless if it’s thinking about having a family and having to choose or a relationship, a partnership, and having to choose, and also, whether it’s female or male. It doesn’t matter. We all have these thoughts at times where we have to choose; we feel like we have to choose.
So for me, at this time, I really realized that I needed some ladies in my life; ladies that were in business, women in business out there doing it while raising a family. And as I started to seek, I started to find.
I began to feel really strong and empowered and I felt the deep need to share my message, my struggle, and also create a place for women similar to me that have gone through some of these same struggles and could be support for each other.
I began to realize how much, more than anything, that we need women as leaders; as business owners, entrepreneurs. And not just moms, but business; women in business in general regardless if you’re a mom or not a mom or if you want kids or you don’t.
So I decided that I was going to join an all-women mastermind group. I got myself a female coach – a multimillion dollar earner – and I started connecting with some incredible women. And it’s so funny because side by side, I had male coaches at the same time and it was so funny because I would get off of calls or coaching calls and I would literally be turned upside down and my female coach that was coaching me on other things would be like, “Oh my gosh, who did you talk to today? You’ve got to stop talking to all of these men.”
But the reality of it is, is these men really lit a fire under my ass. They made me want to get out there and hustle hard and go after it and get it and it’s very interesting. This is where I’ve seen this big difference between female and male. And it’s really not what your sex is; it’s masculine and feminine energy.
So as I continued on this journey and finding my way with life, business after baby and surrounding myself with women, I started to see this divide between female and male, masculine energy, female energy and the very clear differences with direction, perspectives, mindset, goals from my female peers versus my male peers.
And look, I love them both equally and being able to see this and kind of analyze it and sit on the sidelines, I believe, is a gift. So these are a few of the common trends that I’ve seen and I just find this fascinating. So from my male peers, there is this drive. Yes, there might be a little bit of male ego, but for me, it doesn’t bother me. I see right through it and it really doesn’t offend me.
And more than anything, sometimes I can laugh at it or it makes me sad, more than anything, because you can see what’s underneath that ego. Men have this hard-ass approach which I love and I hate. I hate because oftentimes it pushes me when I don’t want to be pushed.
They’re business realists, tell it like it is, there’s not nearly as much emotion there, incredibly proud to contribute and provide for their families – most men. They just do it. And if they’re told to do something, usually they do it. They follow direction fairly well.
Females – I have so much love for all my ladies out there. Females in general care for people. They are the nurturers. We are nurturers at heart. They make you feel good and they pick you up when you’re down and they can sense emotion – and also have a lot of emotion as well, which I think can be a negative honestly, in business at least, if you don’t know how to manage it because emotion falls into a lot of different categories and judgment is one of them; judgment of what will people think? Did I make an excuse? Does this person like me? It’s huge for women. Am I qualified enough; all of these things that bring us down.
A little truth – when I started working with women all of the time, I found it easier for me to find excuses and allow those excuses to slow me down, versus with men, no mercy, keep up, figure it out, which again, can suck, but it also pushes to keep you going.
It pushes you forward, especially if you’re competitive. Women, in my experience, and not all – there are plenty that are the complete opposite – but many women that I have had the pleasure of working with really go about business based on how it feels versus strategy. And there’s power in this, but I think you have to have both.
Giving up too easily, overcomplicating things, not doing the work – guess what, there are plenty of guys out there too, but I started to see a trend and then I started looking at what it was doing for me as well. And again, I am no placing a label, saying because you are a female or because you are a male, this is how I perceive you or this is how it is. I’m really not because I’m neither of these. I’m very much a mix and I do tend to err more on the male side of things.
I can’t stand excuses. I want strategy. I get down to business. I can roll with the boys and I can relate to them probably better than a lot of women, that is, especially when it comes to business but also in life sometimes too.
Ladies, I love you. I adore you. I need you. I get you. I love our power; our ability to lead and make a difference and change the course of life and the world for our daughters, for our children out there. We need more women that are out there doing just that.
I believe wholeheartedly in feminine power. And when I say feminine power, it is this energy and superpower that women have. It’s understanding people, having compassion for others, love, support, strength, relentlessness, hardworking. These incredible traits that women are born with, there is so much power in honing in on these innate skills that we, as women, have.
But with them, we have to have the confidence to let those skills and this superpower shine, to be strong, believe in ourselves, our dreams and our mission, which I think is one of the hardest things for women. Women are so hard on themselves. We have so many self-confidence issues, feel under-qualified, whereas men, the complete opposite.
We need to stop thinking about what people think about us, get clear on who we are, what we want, what we have to offer and stand up for what we believe in. stop making excuses and stop saying that we have to choose between a family, being successful, having a career. It’s just not true; it’s really not.
You can be wildly successful and raise a beautiful family. How do I know? Well, I have many friends that are multimillion dollar earners with one, two, three, four kids. They own their shit. They’re not afraid to fail. They’re not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, to stand out for what they believe in.
They have incredible families and are very involved in every aspect of their life. On that topic – this is actually an interview from Father Figure – I was listening to an interview recently and it was so interesting as the person being interviewed was a successful author and he was speaking about his journey and the length of his journey to success, which was a very long journey, and how his life changed over the years.
And he, like many of us, wanted all of these things in place and was like, “I don’t know if I’m ready for a child yet. Do I have to choose between a career and a child?” And he recently welcomed a baby and this baby came after much debate on how, when, will I still have a career, like I mentioned, and how do I make this happen?
He said having a baby allowed him to create even stronger boundaries, to be even more efficient day to day and create even more success for himself because he said no to so much more. He took control over his time and his schedule because it wasn’t his anymore. It was no longer his time to waste, it was his sweet little baby that needed his love in order to survive; needed his love to survive.
And having that perspective of I’m taking love away from my baby, for what? For what got-a-minute or what question or what client or whatever that comes up, all of the got-a-minutes throughout the day. It allowed him to say no to the little distractions without any sort of remorse anymore because he didn’t see it as his time anymore. He was giving up his baby’s time for somebody else.
So the things that were no longer serving him, he became way more clear on what was important and how to be extremely efficient with his time. So again, another entire blessing based off of having children and also being able to be extremely successful.
The biggest message I think that I have for women out there is that we have to just stop. We have to stop and stand in our strengths. Stop having excuses and saying that we can’t do something or it’s not fair. It’s just a bunch of BS.
If we want equality, we have to be able to play all out. Gain respect by earning it, showing up like a fucking boss every day; stand strong in our feminine power as leaders. Welcome an equal playing field, but also demand that we are worthy of it. Stop asking for handouts, stop whining, stop making stupid excuses and just do it. Whatever we want in life, it’s at our fingertips.
Whatever we crave, we can create in our own world. We need more of you strong female leaders. I want to see more of you because I know you are out there and the world needs you. I need you. You need you. Where are all my ladies at? I want to hear from you and support each other in this journey because I know, for me, this has been such a divide and it’s been such an incredible journey. And like I said, being able to see both sides of this and seeing the difference between predominantly male groups versus female and what I’ve encountered.
And it’s very interesting and all I can say is I want to see more of that feminine power. We still need so many more female leaders out there that are doing incredible things and I’m here with you. I want to hear from you. I want to support you and love you and we need more of you.
So I hope this gave you some empowerment to just take a look at where in your life could you be playing a little bit more full-out. Were in your life can you drop some guilt around who you should able and who you feel you need to be in order to fit in. where do you feel like, “Maybe I just don’t have enough experience, credentials, certifications…” Whatever it is, and step into that power, all of those skills that you have within you.
Lead from that place and show up every day, sharing your gifts with the world because, like I said, I need you. You need you. The world needs you. Thank you so much for tuning in. I so much love being here with you guys every week and hearing your feedback and hear what’s happening in your world.
Go and get it this week. Unleash your feminine power. And as always, I love hearing your feedback. It means the world to me. So if you haven’t already, please, please, please take the time to visit loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes and leave us a quick review. This will help other women just like you find the show and I will forever be grateful. Thank you guys so much, go get it this week, we’ll see you next week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.