It shouldn’t be that much to ask – we’ve been running our lives like a well-oiled machine for years. Why do some of these finer personal goals seem to be getting further and further away? Tune into this week’s podcast to discover what you’ve been doing wrong and how to make it happen for you by treating yourself like the wonderful human being you are.
Whether you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, your dream home, or a little babes, I have tools, methods, and meditations that will see your dreams manifest sooner than you think possible. A couple of these concepts may come across as a bit woo-woo at first, but trust me, even those aspects of this episode are scientifically proven shit that you don’t want to miss.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hey, everyone, and welcome. Welcome to the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real in talking about ambition and growth and the reality of it. Today, I am talking about a topic that came to me a couple of times within the last few weeks, a couple of different messages.
But a friend came to me and said, you know, I have these friends that are very successful, driven women. They’re super-happy with their careers and many areas of their life in general, but they’re really struggling with finding mister right. They’re frustrated, they’re sad; they’re really letting it get to them because they always had this plan.
It planned out that at this time in their life, they would be married, they would be settled down and they would be happy. This topic in general, I feel, applies to so many areas of life and different phases of life. And oh my gosh, like, we all have had this one area of our life or another, whether it be success and work-related, the success that we seek that we haven’t found or achieved yet or that dream job that we haven’t quite landed, the perfect girlfriend that we long for, the dream spouse, significant other, our perfect house, the baby, whatever it is.
I’m sure you can relate to this in some area of your life. And to add to that, for us high achievers, we have goals. We have that vision. We have timelines. We have dates all planned out as to when exactly things are going to happen, what those things look like, how it feels, right. We have this all mapped out and we make shit happen until we can’t or it doesn’t or it isn’t going as planned.
And then, we’re devastated. We’re in this funk. We’re frustrated and depressed and sad. We’re longing for something that we don’t yet have. It doesn’t mean we’re not going to get it, but we’re not there yet and it causes angst within us.
Look, from the time we were born until we’re adults, we are hardwired by the conditions that we live in, the values of our families and peers around us, these beliefs that we’re taught. So sometimes, these dreams and these goals are kind of instilled in us. These beliefs form patterns within us, expectations for our life and maybe even expectations that others have for our life – I need to be settled down by this age, I need to have a baby by this age, I need to be in my dream house by this age.
We have this all mapped out. It’s our blueprint. It’s your life’s blueprint. Maybe there’s external factors that have caused you to come to these different turning points within your life, but it is the blueprint that you hold in your mind for you. And when your blueprint doesn’t match your life’s current conditions, it is inevitable that you will struggle to find happiness and fulfillment in your life.
Okay, great, right, so what’s the solution? How do I change this? You either have to change your life’s conditions, or you need to change your blueprint; either changing your blueprint to realign with what your current conditions are or change your current conditions to get closer to what those blueprints look like.
And again, sure, great, sounds simple, right? But how do you just find the man of your dreams or manifest the baby that you are longing for or the success in your business or whatever it is? I could go on and on about this topic forever, but I do believe that so much of this has to also do with where you are spending your time. And when I say spending your time, it’s the time in your mind, meaning the past, the present, or the future.
And oftentimes, when we’re longing for something or our blueprints don’t match our current conditions, we are living in our future. And first off, goals are good. They’re great. I love goals. I love goals that stretch us. I love goals that push us. Those are amazing. That’s what helps us grow. These visions that we have for ourselves that we see so clearly, that’s the first step to achieving your big goals.
However, oftentimes, we get too caught up in the future. I know this firsthand. I’ve made myself absolutely miserable because I’m constantly focusing on all of the things that I don’t have, even though I have a beautiful home, even though I have a husband, even though I have my dogs that I love and even though I have success in my business, it wasn’t enough because it didn’t match that blueprint that I had in my mind.
And yes, they still may be goals, but it’s almost as if I had blinders on and I wasn’t able to be in the present and find gratitude in my present while also having those big goals. Our plan for our life and when our plan doesn’t go exactly the way we want, we start to doubt ourselves. We start to think, what’s wrong with me? I would be happy, only if… I’ll be happy when I have this or that. I’ll be happy when I build the house of my dreams.
And it always turns into something else, right, especially for people to have a growth mindset because you set a goal, you have the vision for the goal, you achieve the goal and then you set another one. That’s just the circle of it. You don’t ever stop growing. Setting a goal and pushing yourself isn’t just to get to a destination and then you’re content for the rest of your life. It’s in our human nature to grow, and so if we’re constantly looking at the future and we’re not able to be in the present and have gratitude for what we do have, there’s a big disconnect there; not allowing our happiness in our current life, in our current state, as we work towards those bigger goals.
So the problem is we live in our future and not finding the love for the present; finding the love and the gratitude for what we do have in life versus always focusing on what we don’t have. And honestly, regardless of where your life is, how good or bad you think it is, I know, if you tried, you could find gratitude for something in your life. Maybe it’s that you have the ability to see, that you can feel the warmth on your skin. Maybe it’s just that you’re alive.
When you start to focus on gratitude and what you do have, it changes your state. It changes your energy and your focus. You’re coming from a place of abundance versus scarcity and your energies within yourself change. The energies that you exude change.
Now, here is where I get a little woo-woo on you and I’ll share all my favorite things. If you don’t believe in energy and that we have frequencies flowing all around us, I’m sorry, but it’s real. There are studies on it. It’s proven. When your energy is high frequency, your heart and your brain rhythm, everything changes. You’re in your creative state. You’re in your energetic state. You’re in your happiness. You exude that energy.
There are literally studies on this where they take these special cameras and they take pictures of people and people in low energy states and depressed states, the energy circle around them is so much smaller and closer the outlines of their body. You don’t see it nearly as much. It’s different colors. And the opposite, in the same place, when they take pictures of someone in a high energetic state that’s in a good place in their mind and their creative energies and in a good space, their energies are like crazy.
Or if they’re in motion – the biggest thing is when they’re in motion, so it creates like these energy frequencies around them. Emotion is motion. And you see all of this energy exuding from them, and you can feel it. That’s why we can feel other people’s presence. This is when your heart and your brain are in rhythm, which is also just magic, when your heart is leading your life versus your brain and your mind, you will always move in the direction you were meant to go. When you’re making decisions and living from your heart, the answers will always be there. The heart always knows the way. When you are thinking all the other shit, that’s your mind. That’s the mind.
When you’re longing for a dream of a relationship but feeling sorry and miserable, those thoughts that you’re having, it’s your mind. It’s not your thought. Tony Robbins teaches on this. It’s not your thought, it’s the mind. Other people have these same thoughts. it’s the mind. But your frequencies that you’re putting out into the world are so much lower; the energy you’re putting out there.
When you’re stressing about having a baby and trying so hard to make it happen and controlling the dates and it has to happen at this time, stress takes over. You’re trying to control something that is really out of your control, to an extent. When you work 24/7 on your goals and you don’t give anything back to yourself, you will have an uphill battle of stress, overwhelm, and never-ending problems, or so it seems like never-ending problems, it’s like pushing a boulder up a hill.
We think that we are helping ourselves to make things happen, but we’re not. We’re deflecting all the things that we want most in life. So what do we do when we long for something so bad in our life? What are some of the things that we can do?
The first thing that you can do, like I mentioned before, is take a look at your blueprint. What is your blueprint for your life? Just be mindful of that. What is your expectation and the map that you have for your life of what needs to happen and when? Where are you not quite there on your life’s plan? Can you change your blueprint or change your current conditions?
And again, this applies to so many different things, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s a career change, whether it’s a home. Life, for example, I got so caught up in the fact that I want this dream home in my mind and I allowed it to literally eat away at me for about a year and a half and everything was not enough. There was not enough money, it was not fast enough, it was not this, that, whatever. I was lacking everything.
And when I really understood this, it was the reality of I have all of these things that I could be grateful for. I have this successful career, I have a beautiful daughter, I have a beautiful husband. I have a beautiful home, and yes, it may not be where I want to be forever, because I was so focused on my blueprint needed to be this, I was overseeing all of these other things and I was making myself absolutely miserable because I was not there yet.
So it’s finding that gratitude, the presence in the day, and changing my blueprint. I can’t – I shouldn’t say I can’t, because you can do anything that you want, but where I’m at and what my goals are, it doesn’t make sense for me to go for this big vision of what I want to build out. And so, for me, it’s I have the ability – absolutely actually. I went down this road last year of, I’m going to move.
And so I went down that road of, okay, this is where I’m going. I started looking at houses and I was like, this isn’t really what I want, so I changed my blueprint for the time being. And now, I find gratitude in the day. I’ve been able to look at my home differently and look at my goals differently and find happiness in there and be able to look forward to the future, but also be happy in the present.
The second thing that I recommend is getting really clear on whatever it is that you want – really clear, like crystal clear. If it’s a relationship, romantic or a friendship that you’re longing for, write it out. Sit down, write it out, write down all the qualities of this person. Get so specific in detail. Where do they hang out? What are their beliefs? How do they treat themselves? How do they treat others? What do they do for fun? How do they act and behave? How do they dress? What do they eat? Get crystal clear and write it down – who is that person? What does that relationship look like? That’s going to give you the clarity of what you are looking for.
The third is that you have to take care of yourself first. Again, I don’t care if it’s a big goal in business or the dreamiest man of your dreams or trying to have a baby; you have got to take care of yourself first. If you are miserable inside or trying to push whatever boulder it is up the hill, that shit is going to suck.
I’ve also been here, believe me, you have to take care of yourself. Self-care is a real thing here. Treat yourself like the person you see in that vision. Who do you have to become in order to achieve that goal? Who is she? How do you need to show up? What do you need to do for yourself? Do you need to exercise to relieve stress? Do you need to eat healthy foods to nourish your mind and your body? Do you need to put yourself together, add that perfect lip to feel sexy and confident?
What do you think will happen when you are feeling that damn good about yourself and you’re showing up for yourself every single day? What energy do you think others are going to feel in your presence? What do you think you could manifest in this state versus being resentful; just throwing yourself together because you feel bad about yourself and wearing a frumpy outfit, eating Doritos for dinner at home, binge-watching TV because you’re lonely, rather than going out on dates and meeting new people or pissed off because you didn’t hit your sales goal and you go into a client meeting with that energy?
In any and every situation, they will feel it and they will run as fast as they can the opposite direction. People feel energy. It’s the same with a relationship. You want the man of your dreams; he’s going to run as fast as he can if you’re in this state of, I need this relationship, I need this because this is what was on my blueprint, this is in my life plan. I’m miserable. I’m lonely… People feel it. You need to get your shit together first.
You need to love yourself first. And obviously, if you’re going after any goal, it isn’t just about feeling good and all of a sudden you manifest something. It takes a little bit of elbow-grease too. You have to do the work. You have to skill-up and have a plan for a big goal. You need to get yourself out there and meet new people if you’re longing for a relationship.
But I can tell you one thing, if you know exactly what it is that you want exactly, you can see it and you can feel it in your bones and you take action, you will get there. But in the meantime, you need to have gratitude. You need to have some fun; enjoy your life. Find the good in each day, play, take care of yourself.
And like I said before, most importantly, you have to love yourself first. There’s two meditations that I absolutely love and one of them is a priming exercise that I have shared many times before. It’s changed my life. I’ve done a lot of these exercises in person with Tony Robbins, but I’ll share that in the show notes. It’s a priming exercise that takes about ten minutes.
It’s incredible. You need to do it for 21 days in order to really get into the rhythm. So try that. Set yourself a challenge; 21 days meditation in the morning before you start your day. And this takes you through a lot of what I talked about today. It takes you through your breathing patterns, so really allowing your mind and your heart and your body to just calm itself and release stress and breathe.
Breathing helps so much. So you go through a breathing exercise that primes you, then you go through gratitude. From gratitude, you’re going to send some love out and receive the love that’s all around you. There’s an abundance of love all around us. And then from there, you’re going to envision whatever it is that you want most like you already have it.
Do that for 21 days and it will change your life. The other mediation that I love is from Gabby Bernstein, who I also love. And on this whole woo-woo topic, The Universe Has Your Back; an incredible book. I’ve also recommended that. But she has a meditation that I’ve learned from her. It’s called a kundalini Mantra and you pair this with a meditation, again, when you can get yourself in a meditative state and quiet yourself, quiet your mind and think of the things that you want to manifest.
Think about your biggest dreams in life and the meditation is, “Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad, Sat Gur Prasad Ek Ong Kar.” And this meditation also – I’ve read her book, I’ve listened to this online as well – it comes with a warning of whatever you think about in that moment, you will manifest, “Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad, Sat Gur Prasad Ek Ong Kar.”
That is all for today. Try out those tools, show up for yourself, love yourself. You have to love yourself first. Have a great week. I can’t wait to get back with you guys next week. As always, if you liked the show, please take some time and leave us a review – loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes – much love. We’ll see you next week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.