I had to do a lot of soul-searching to find out why I wasn’t fulfilled and, thankfully, I made some real progress. Not everyone has the same attitude towards money, but however you view it, this is a cautionary tale you don’t want to miss.
Tune in this week to discover what I had to learn the hard way. I share my story of growing up with big aspirations, achieving my goals, only to find I needed to completely change my mindset to enjoy the rewards. I have resources that will help you appreciate what you’ve got if you’re already up there or will prepare you for what to expect if you’re still working on your dreams. If you dream big, you don’t want to miss this.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello, hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real; real in talking about growth and ambition and living your best life and the reality of it. Today, I have a little secret to share with you; money does not buy happiness. Money doesn’t solve all your problems; contrary to so many people’s beliefs, even my own at times.
When I was younger, I dreamed of living in business suits and closing deals; being powerful. Literally, that was my dream as like a 12-year-old, maybe even younger. I would flip through my mom’s Victoria’s Secret magazines, not to look at the swimsuits and the pink stuff and the girly feminine attire, but I would be looking at the fleece bomber-jackets and the business suits.
It’s funny how life works out as I could wear a suit every day of my life now and it isn’t that big of a deal. Now, I dream of sweatpants and no shower. Just kidding, but for real, some days I’m not kidding. That dream continued. It continued and it evolved as I grew and transformed into many different things. The dream changed into travel and buying a house, driving nice cars, being able to afford the things that I wanted, that I used to dream of as a little kid.
I worked hard. I have worked hard and I continue to. Growing up, I always had at least two jobs. And you know what – I’m not complaining. It paid off. I learned incredible work ethic. I had to work really hard for my dreams. I had to work really hard for the things I wanted in life and I never stopped striving for more and I never will.
However, I did hit a point in my career where I questioned a lot. I questioned my happiness. I questioned why. I questioned, is this worth it? I was making all of this money; more money than I thought I could make ever, really, and yet I was not crazy happy living this life that I had imagined. I wasn’t fulfilled in all my areas of life.
Which, you know what, this is always area for growth and are you always going to be 100% fulfilled in your life? I hope not because what else are you going to strive for? But I was in a place that I kind of needed to figure this out. I needed to figure out why, now that I had all of these things at my fingertips and I had all this money, why was I still not happy?
So I went down this road of what the fuck. Money doesn’t make you happy. Money just makes more work. I don’t really care about this stuff. Do I really need it? You know what – I’m really okay and I’m happy and I’m content with it where I’m at.
Well, those were some fucking thoughts, right. Now, if this was really true, then fine and great because, you know what – people change. Life changes, your perspective changes, but it wasn’t for me. It wasn’t okay for me. It wasn’t true for me.
Immediately as these thoughts started to come into my mind and into my life, guess what started to happen – the money started to dwindle. I started to stress out about money when I haven’t stressed out about money in a very long time. I’m out here saying money doesn’t make me happy, I’m content with where I’m at, I don’t need all of these things, money is just a problem.
This led me down a path of analyzing and wondering and eventually realizing that I had some issues with money; maybe issues of not being worthy of what I was making. Maybe a fear of giving up freedom, maybe a fear of not fitting in, not fitting into this life that I’ve lived the majority of my life, not fitting in with my family, not fitting in with my peers, maybe scared of the opportunity that money may bring, maybe a little ashamed of these things. Yes, the things, for sure.
You guys, I literally bought myself a designer bag, over $1000, the first time in my life. It was a big purchase and usually I’m not a big designer girl. This was a gift to myself for hitting a massive goal. And I told myself I was going to do it and I was like, “You know what – just do it.” It took like two days with it in my shopping cart and I was like, “Just do it. You said you were going to do it. You can’t give yourself rewards for things and then not follow through.”
The bag arrived. I opened it and I put it back in the box and I kept it under my bed for an entire year. I’m not even joking. What the fuck? I had this notion of money doesn’t make you happy and I kept telling myself, and then all of a sudden, I didn’t have the money. I didn’t have the money that I used to have and yet again, I wasn’t happy.
I had more problems, not less. I had more stress, not less. What gives? What was happening? How do I change it? How do I change my relationship with money?
Now look, this is a real thing. I started doing my research. I started seeking out coaches and trying to figure out what was wrong because I needed to fix this shit and I needed to fix it now. One of these concepts is called upper-limit problems.
Upper-limiting, for real, is when we self-sabotage ourselves. We self-sabotage our bank accounts, our businesses, when we don’t feel that we are worthy of the success or the money that we are achieving and earning.
Realizing this was a real thing. I started to look really deep within myself and try to figure out why I had these feelings I previously had and how to change my mind and change it really fast. And guess what – it didn’t involve a rain-dance in my back-yard chanting, “More money, more money, more money.”
Tony Robbins talks about this as a different concept too. It’s belief systems, BS. I had to change my belief systems around how I was defining my relationship with money and my own self-worth as well because the girl 10 years ago is no longer the woman that I am now or where I’m going. We all have this internal thermostat that we’re set at and when you start to grow past that automatic number that you’re set at, it starts to get really uncomfortable.
And if you don’t acknowledge it and figure out how to push through, you’re going to go through these self-sabotaging events, you’re going to spend all your money, you’re going to do stupid shit until you can figure that out.
So for me, I realized this. I’ve learned this at some of his events and I needed to change my internal thermostat; set it a few notches higher. I had to change my definition of money. You know, for a while, I was really struggling with it because I felt ashamed of some of the things that I had; the car that I was driving, the bag that I bought myself.
I felt like, oh my gosh, what will people think of me? They’re going to think that I’m better than them. I don’t want that. they’re money problems; upper-limit problems. I had to really change my thoughts here; money isn’t a bad thing. And I truly believe now that money is magic. It is fucking magic. Money creates opportunity.
Money and success, they create jobs, supports our economy, allows for the lifestyle that I know I want to live with my family and my kids. Yes, I could live very contently with everything that I have and yes, I have a nice home and yes, I’m grateful. Of course, I’m grateful. I have a good life. But I want more.
I want more and there is nothing wrong with wanting more. There is nothing wrong with driving a nice car, having nice things, whatever those things are, as long as those things matter to you and they have meaning, they’re something that is important to you. I have a friend that loves designer ball-gowns and I’m sure she spends thousands of dollars on them. It’s not my thing.
So you have to figure out what’s important to you versus – you know, it’s like keeping up with the Joneses. Don’t do that shit; figure out what’s important for you and own it, love it. Give yourself what you deserve. Set goals, reward yourself, buy yourself nice things every once in a while, if you want them.
This took me a long time to figure out. I wanted answers overnight because I was like, what the fuck is happening? My ship is sinking. I need to figure this out. I wanted to fix myself with a magic solution; mindset, rewire, beliefs, you name it. I wanted to be happy.
I wanted to let go of the guilt around nice things while also really understand what really mattered to me. It took me time. It took me some dark times too with a lot of stress around money because it wasn’t there. But like everything else, I needed to go through this. I needed to go through it on my own.
I went from a place of – not struggling, I’ve always had love, but I’ve had to work really hard for the things that I’ve had and money hasn’t always come easily to me. And when all of a sudden, I see all of this success and I’m able to live this different life, I had to go through this because then, all of a sudden, I had this resentment around money.
I had to fall in love with it for a different meaning and truly understand, do I want this life or do I want this life and what is important to me? And going through this has allowed me to get clear on that. that’s the only way we work through these things.
Based on the books and the concepts that were available to me on this topic and enlightened me, it gave me this perspective. It gave me a feeling that I wasn’t alone. This is not something that I am just dealing with or I’m fucked up in the head because I don’t get it, you know. What’s wrong with me?
It’s a real thing and a lot of people go through this. I had to go through the massive stress of not having enough money to really realize why it was important to me at my core. And for that, I am so grateful because it’s changed my perspective on everything. And when your mindset changes and your perspective changes, all of a sudden, shit just happens and you have this clarity; you have this clear path and understanding.
So I can tell you from my own journey, money doesn’t buy you happiness. Only you can decide on your own happiness. Grinding your life away just to afford nice things won’t make you happy. It won’t fulfill you. I’ve been there. It creates resentment. Money doesn’t solve all your problems.
In fact, I’m going to get really real with you; money oftentimes can create more problems, more problems, and money problems just get bigger. The more money you earn, just add a zero, my friend. $100 is not $1000. $1000 is now $10,000. $10,000 – you get it.
But what can money do? Money can allow me and you to create a life that you dream of. And maybe money isn’t a big factor of a life that you dream of. Maybe you’re a minimalist. That’s totally fine.
For me, I want to live big. I have a lot of really big dreams and goals and they involve money, and I’m not ashamed of it. Money creates opportunity for yourself, your friends, your family, the economy, your children. It allows you to give back. I love the giving back; feeling like you’re contributing to something that is making a difference in the world, in an organization or a program that you believe in.
Being able to give back and support something that you’re passionate about is incredibly powerful; so rewarding. Money allows you to grow personally and professionally. I invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in myself. It allows me to grow. It allows me to meet new people. It allows you nice things that actually do matter to you, whatever that may be, whether it’s a ball-gown or a BMW, whatever, or a dog. I don’t know, dogs are fucking expensive; I just bought one last weekend. See the world, meet people, see things that will change your life.
Money allows so many incredible things and I really had to see the power and the good in it; not the resentment, not the what will people think about me or I’m going to be an outcast or I don’t want to make someone feel bad. I’m creating opportunity and I truly believe that now.
My biggest message to you on this topic is money means absolutely nothing if you are not living your life. You can work yourself into the fucking grave. People have; people who have millions, billions, extremely successful and absolutely are miserable in their life. Don’t allow you success and money to be your life. Let your success and your money fit into your life and fuel your life, your happiness.
You are the creator of your life, not one person’s wants, needs, desires are the same. Check yourself when you start going around and finding what makes other people happy or what things make other people happy or, “Oh my gosh, she has a designer bad or that Burberry coat is incredible or they just bought this new house.” Stop with that shit.
You need to get aligned with what really matters in your own life, stop comparing yourself, stop spending your money just to keep up with people. Find what really matters and what success means to you.
If you find yourself in this place at some point in your journey, I’ll share some of my resources with you. There is a great book on the topic of upper-limiting called The Big Leap. It’s a good one even if you’re not there yet. Read it. You’ll kind of see what is to come and what some people have had to endure as they take the big leap.
Also, I’m sure that there are some really great blogs or YouTube videos of Tony Robbins teaching on his internal thermostat theory. Very similar – we are wired and we are conditioned to live a certain way almost our entire lives, so that also has to do with money.
So he has a great explanation of this too. I’m sure you can find something on YouTube there. And most of all, remember that money is money. There is always more money. You can always find a way to make more money; you will never be able to make more time. So don’t allow an obsession with money to take over your life. You will find yourself in resentment. It will not make you happy but figure out what really aligns with you and know that there’s always opportunity to make more money.
I hope you enjoyed this insight, this struggle, that I have had with myself in the past and I really hope that if you ever find yourself in this place, you can think back on this and know that you are not alone and you just have to work through it and you have to get realigned. And remember that yes, money is just money, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Inspire other people to dream big, do big, give back. Money is powerful. Don’t have any resentment towards how much you make. Go make more. Live your life. Set big goals. Do you.
As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning in this week. I have really enjoyed being here with you guys. I love hearing your feedback. I know I always ask, but if you haven’t already and you have a couple minutes to spare, I love hearing your feedback and it also helps other women find the show. So if you don’t mind, go to loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes and you can leave me a quick little review. I will greatly appreciate it.
Thank you guys so much. Have a great week and we’ll see you next week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.