Ep #94: How to Get Clear on What You Really Want

Want to have it all? Well, the best day to get started is today. Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who want to take their life and business to a whole new level of success. I’m Brooke Keeling, multiple six figure business owner, passionate entrepreneur, and your host. Welcome to another episode of the Love Your Living podcast.
Hey, everyone, Brooke Keeling with the Love Your Living podcast. Excited to be here with all of you, as always. Today, I am taking you on a journey through my memory into an experience that I had this last year that I absolutely loved. I think maybe I’ve talked about it before.
I’ve been really, really excited about this upcoming event to New York City, and I want to tell you guys more about what it created in my life, the experience that it created, the impact that it created, and why I’m so excited about it. So, where this idea came from and how it came from. Oh, my gosh. There’s so much that I want to talk to you guys about today of just the crap that goes through our mind when we have ideas like this, especially in business.
Last year, I was going through a new rebrand, and I was working with some of the best copywriters, photographers, social media gurus, strategists. I had an incredible team, and I kept getting stuck and caught up on the vision of what was coming back. So, I was creating different designs, and logos, and we were wanting a new website, all of these things.
I kept getting stuck and disappointed with what was coming back, or changing my mind really quickly. I don’t know how many of you do this, but it’s like, “Oh, my gosh. This is so brilliant,” and then two days later, you’re like, “Oh, no. That’s not it. I need to change,” because we see what other people are doing. We see, “Oh, my gosh. Well, that site is really cooler. Oh, that’s a really cool color. I think this is my color, not that one.”
We not only get stuck in analysis paralysis of like, “Oh, my gosh. I have to think about this, or I have to think on it more and have it all, whatever, for the next two weeks.” Ask myself all of these questions and go into this big mind game of finding yourself, and then nothing gets done. Also, we are constantly looking for that next shiny object or we see squirrel, and we’re like, “Oh, I need to change, or this person is doing that, or that sounds better. Maybe I’m not this. Maybe I’m not.”
So, I was on this spin cycle. I’ve been on this spin cycle, and I see so many other people on this cycle as well. At the time, one of my team members said, “Hey, maybe it would be a really good idea for you to work with a stylist, for you to work with someone that can actually pull out what it is deep down inside of you.”
I was like, “Well, sure, that’s easy for you to say. I’ve already paid all of you all of this other money. Now, I need to invest in something even more. I’m investing in even more.” It was one of the best investments that I made, and one of the things that I said yes to that I’m so grateful for in the entire year last year.
It’s impacted my life and my business so much because when I worked with the incredible stylist, Elsa Isaac, and she was on our podcast as well just talking about brand and style. Especially if you have a personal brand, or you’re trying to create a website, or you’re trying to understand what your niche is, or what your purpose is, or how you convey more of what’s inside outside because sometimes it’s really difficult to articulate that or find your own way.
We’re supposed to know ourselves better than anybody, yet it’s so difficult sometimes to find what matters, or the answers to some of the questions of what makes me happy, or what makes me different, or what’s my niche, or what’s my superpower? So, I decided to say yes to this. Throughout the entire process of this, I thought, “Who do I think I am? I can’t believe I’m spending this much money. Is this forfeit?”
All of the things, every self-doubting question. Is this the right time? I shouldn’t be leaving for three days outside of my business. I should just hunker in and do the work. All of these things, and what came from that weekend was so much clarity to all of the answers that I was trying to find.
There’s power, one, in just getting out of your own way, getting out, checking out if you have a really hard day. If you feel like your to do list is incredibly long, if you’ve worked half the day, and you’re just sitting at your computer, or you’re trying to find the answers to things, the best thing to do sometimes is to just walk away. Go outside and take a walk. Go take a break. Go do something really fun, and then come back to it.
It allows our mind and the juices in our cognitive energy to fill back up so that we can find clarity in the work that we’re doing. This trip allowed me to do that. It allowed me to one, get out of my comfort zone, but it allowed me to see more clearly all of the things that I was trying to articulate come to life. My style, my brand, the look, the confidence, the experience that it provided that I’m literally just obsessed with and can’t wait to do again, the confidence that it also gave me.
Not only that, but sometimes I think we forget about the connections that we make along the way, and when we deprive ourselves of the things that we truly are craving, we’re depriving ourselves not only of that, but also our businesses and our life of the things that we want.
So, I’m here to tell you that that trip impacted my life so much. So much, that I’m still talking about it, and throughout my entire pregnancy, and every single morning when I wake up as part of my manifestation and part of my whole morning ritual.
One of the things that I say is that every year, my norm is to work with Elsa Isaac two times or more a year to revamp my closet because I know how much power there is behind that when I show up feeling incredible, when I put clothing on that feels so beautiful against my skin, when I can just walk into my closet and say, “Wow, I have six shirts. I could just throw this one on, and instantly, I feel amazing.”
It’s not going in and feeling like I don’t have anything to wear. It’s such a powerful feeling. I came back feeling so empowered in all of my businesses, but I also felt so good. I felt me. I felt like I found myself again. I know that might sound kind of silly, but it’s the truth. I was also able to make really incredible connections that I didn’t even know where coming.
You guys, I absolutely adore Marie Forleo. I have for years. What’s so cool is that I got to work with the people that work with her on set and that have for years. We ended up shooting at a location that was like a block away from her studio. I had no idea about any of this. I met the most beautiful people and heard their own stories of success that empowered me even more. It’s just the universe opening doors for you.
So, when we think about making these hard decisions and saying yes to some of these things, I want you to think about how you make decisions. Do you make decisions with your mind, with your head? Do you make decisions from your heart, or do you make decisions from your gut? How are you choosing to do something or to not do something?
For me, investing in myself, I didn’t see the correlation there. As much as I talk about this, and even when my husband first got into business into his financial practice and started building that up, I was all for him. I was like, “You know what?” There’s guys in the office that we call him the suit guy, and they order custom suits. They’re expensive. They’re pricey. It’s an investment.
I said, “You need to get yourself a couple of suits, even though you’re not making money yet.” It’s hard to say, “Oh, I’m going to go spend a few thousand dollars on this, you need to go and do this and invest in yourself because you’re saying yes to your success before it’s even there.” Not only are you saying yes to your success, you are also showing up in a different light when you feel good and competent about what it is and how it is that you’re showing up.
So, although I see so much power in this, when it came down to me doing this at the next level, I was like, “Who do I think I am?” All of these self-doubts and this negative talk start coming up, but the reality is it really was an investment. Now, if I look at that same amount of money and I think, “Okay, there’s this new system, or there’s this mastermind, or I need to hire someone,” and saying, “It’s X amount of money, or the same amount of money, or more money than what I spent doing this experience,” I would have in a heartbeat said yes to it.
When it comes to my business and investing in my business, I’m all in. If I know that I’m going to return on the investment, or I can look at something and say, “Okay, this is likely or whatever. This is going to allow us to grow, or this is in alignment with our goals, whatever.” I’m like, “Yeah, sign me up. Let’s do it. No matter what the investment is, I’m going to find a way.” I have become that mentality in my business.
If there’s a new system, if there’s a new process, if I feel like, “Okay, I need to hire this person, and they’re going to take our business from X to Y, Z,” I’m in in a second, but when it came to investing in myself, that’s where I started to get a little squirmy. The reality is I invested in myself, and that was a bigger return on investment than we can ever even put a dollar sign on. Truly is.
So, here I am coaching myself on this exact same thing. I talked about this a lot. For those of you who’ve listened, you’re probably like, “Oh, my gosh. She’s talking about New York again,” but I don’t care because I really loved it so much. The entire time that I was pregnant, I was craving going back to New York, but I was like, “I’m not going to go and do this. It’s just unrealistic for me to go and invest in this while I’m pregnant. The clothes are going to fit me. I need to get back to myself, back to my pre-baby weight, back to feeling strong.”
While I’m pregnant, too, I really am not the type of person that is really all glowing, and beautiful, and invest in all of the high-end pregnancy wear, and buys a whole new wardrobe. I am the one that goes to Target and figures out like, “Okay. What two dresses can grow with me for the next four months?” That’s what I wear. It’s bizarre. It’s like a night and day difference, but I think it’s also this very realistic version of myself where I don’t see an investment.
I’m going to digress here, but this is the same as me talking with my builder about custom cabinets versus box cabinets. For me, I’m thinking, “Dude, this is going to save me six grand. I’m not investing in custom. This is what I’m going to do.” He looks at me and says, “Well, you’re spending X amount of money on hardwood floors,” but for me, I see the value in hardwood floors.
I don’t see the value in spending X amount on the custom version of the cabinets. I think the other ones are just fine. I think they’re beautiful. So, it’s all about what we see value in, and to his comments, for me, I’m thinking, “I want to see return on my investment.”
So, I said to him, “These wood floors that I’m spending $30,000 on in my budget, I know that this is going to create incredible value when I go to sell the house.” So, if I should decide, which I move around a lot, that I may not be in this house for the next 15 years, and I say, “Okay, in two years, I want to sell this house,” I want to know that I’m making smart financial decisions that is going to build equity in my house, and I’m going to be able to return on that investment.
He said to me, “Well, wouldn’t you just be happy though knowing that you got to enjoy custom cabinets for three years?” I said, “Fuck, no, I wouldn’t be happy,” but this is how my mind works. I’m grateful for that, but I can also make people crazy with some of the decisions that I make.
So, anyways, when I was pregnant, my closet was very minimum, and the thing that I craved is feeling empowered, feeling empowered by the way that I showed up, and feeling beautiful in the clothing that I wore. I’m such a visual person, and I really do like high quality things. I want my home to feel beautiful. It’s something that I long for so much because I haven’t had it for the last year.
I’ve had a house in total renovation that I thought was going to be done months ago. I’ve been pregnant, which is always a mindfuck for me, and now, I want to create more of this beauty. It’s what I’ve craved for so long. When it comes down to actually saying, “Okay, I’m going to invest in this,” this is where all my shit comes up, and it’s likely where all of your shit comes up too.
So, I just want you to notice how it is that you are making decisions. Are you making decisions with your mind, which so often, we’re making decisions with our mind? Are we making decisions with our heart? Are we making decisions with our gut?
Now, Tony Robbins says get in your head, and you’re dead. I think that there’s so much truth to that, especially when we’re thinking of ROI, and we’re thinking about being smart business owners, and we’re thinking about strategy, and we’re thinking about the black and the white, and the P and the L’s, and all of that.
But what creates businesses and lives that are fulfilling to us is leading with our heart. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of the easier route because of logic, because we get in our way. It’s because of the logic. Whereas if we could just settle into our heart and feel out what feels good, that heart decision is going to take us so much further, so much faster.
I learned this technique years ago when I started doing life coaching, is the body compass analysis, is tuning into your body, and being able to ask yourself a question, and seeing which way your body leans towards. I’m going to teach you guys how to do this right now. It’s really simple.
If you ask yourself a question that you know feels really good, and just stand there, close your eyes, really tune into that question, see if your body moves forward or backwards. Now, through this, you can ask yourself any question. You can get really good at this by asking yourself a question and tuning into your body. That’s your North Star. I think Martha Beck is the one that teaches this concept, but it’s tuning in. It’s your own body compass, and that’s leading with your heart.
So, if you ask yourself a question about something, and you don’t know the answer to it yet, I’ve asked myself this question a lot lately about success. When you don’t know what’s ahead, and you want something so much bigger, but you’re scared. You’re scared of failure. You’re scared of the financial investment. You’re scared of maybe what it might do to your relationships. You’re scared of the unknown, scared of change.
We all have these fears when we’re working towards bigger things, but when we start thinking logically about, “Well, is this smart for me to do right now? Do I have the extra money set aside?” You’re always going to say no because you’re going to likely say, “Well, my kids need this, or my family needs this, or I really want to invest this, or I really shouldn’t do this.” You talk yourself out of it every single time, no matter how much money is in or not in the bank.
Is it the right time? Never a perfect time. Do I have the funds? Usually, most people don’t have all of the funds to do some of these big things to invest in a $100,000 mastermind, which they are out there. I have many friends that are in them, but we talk ourselves out of these things, and it’s because we don’t know or we don’t truly believe.
So, the first step is one, believing. Believing that your goals are possible. Believing wholeheartedly that you can do the hard things, and you can get to the end result. When you believe it’s possible, it’s a lot easier to make some of these hard decisions, but what would you do if your success was absolutely guaranteed?
I’ve asked myself that recently as I’ve started to navigate through some of these harder changes and decisions within my own life because I can get squirmy about the big things too, and I have a lot of things going on in my world. I’m human like everybody else. It just is what you have in front of you right now and what you’re choosing to do in this moment in time.
So, as I’ve started to ask myself these questions and saying, “Okay, if all of my goals were hit this year, what would I do right now?” I thought, “Man, these are the things that I’m craving. I’m craving taking my family to Hawaii.” I really want to go on a family vacation, a beautiful family vacation, on a beach somewhere. I really want to work with Elsa again. I want to feel like myself. I want some of the things, the things and the stuff.
I also have really big goals that I have, and I want to work towards that. I want to work towards what feels good to me in terms of a good balance for work life and my house. I want to have my home renovation done and fill it up with beautiful things. Well, all of that shit is just not going to happen if I’m sitting here saying, “Now is that the perfect time.”
I can give you a bazillion reasons to why I shouldn’t have done half of the things that I’ve done, or want to do half of the things. We started booking out monthly shoots for our business, for social media, and for everything that we’re doing currently. I thought to myself, “Well, I don’t want to start doing shoots until I lose the baby weight.” Okay? Well, that’s another three months. Pressure is on. You’re either killing yourself, or you can just be real, and show up, and give yourself some grace. The fact that you just birthed a human kid. Doesn’t have to be perfect.
Then I thought in my head, “Okay. Well, if we shoot at our house, my house isn’t done yet. We need to wait until my house is done.” Then I thought, “Why? My house hasn’t been done for an entire year.” I sure as shit hope that it’s done within the next four months, but maybe it’s not. The reality behind this is why put my life on hold because my house isn’t done?
So, my house isn’t done. I’m not at my ideal weight that I want to be at. This goes in line with everything. We’re working on a new program, and in my mind, I’m thinking, “Oh, gosh. All of the work that is leading up to this, how will I do this in transition? How will I do this while I’m renovating a house? Maybe I need to wait until after this is done.”
Do you see where all of this snowballs into the perfect time, the perfect circumstance, the perfect situation? There’s no perfect. One of the things that I said about my son, I was writing about my kids a little while ago, and maybe you saw it on social media because I did share it. I shared some of the biggest gifts that I felt so far from my son, and also what I felt with my daughter.
One of the things that I feel with my son is this sense of just peace and calmness. In the midst of all of this chaos, one of the biggest gifts that I received with him is just this level of support. I feel like he’s literally been born into my world saying, “Mom, just press play. We have this big, beautiful life that’s waiting for us. We got this. Just press play. Stop waiting for all of these things. Stop worrying about all of the things that aren’t even happening yet that you’re putting in your head of what could happen, but they’re not going to.”
We always figure it out. We always find a way. So, why deprive ourselves of the things that we want in our life? Why not just say yes to them? Why not start saying yes to them more often? Why not start to stop waiting for all of the perfect circumstances and situations to happen, and just love our life right now? Love our beautiful, big, crazy, messy lives right now, and show it to the world.
So, what happened when my photographer came in is we shot in my house. I didn’t even want to leave. I came up with so many different ideas with, “Shoot me here. Shoot me in the middle of this room that is completely demoed right now because this is my life. Get all of my animals in the shot because this is my life. Get Reese in the background because she wants to be in everything because this is my life. It’s not perfect.”
We’re doing an awesome challenge for you guys coming up that I’m so excited about, and this is literally one of the first things that I thought is like, “Well, I don’t know where I’m going to be. My contractor said I have to move out of my house. What am I going to do? Where am I going to do the training from? Can I do this?”
I thought, “Wow, that’s just such a stupid question.” Why deprive yourself? Why deprive your clients? Why deprive sharing these things that we’re so excited about for the perfect time? The same thing came up even with New York City. I kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and weighing the pros and cons, and asking myself, and telling myself, “Not yet. It’s not a good time.”
What if? Wait until this, wait until that. Wait until you’re the perfect size. Why not give myself something really incredible to work towards? Why not say yes to celebrating my birthday in one of my favorite cities that inspires the shit out of me working with the most brilliant people? By saying yes to these things, I absolutely promise you that opportunities are going to present themselves along the way, that I don’t even know, but I know that there’s going to be really incredible things. There’s going to be miracles that are presenting themselves at every single turning point of me saying yes to these things because I just press play.
So, wherever you are at in your life, in your business, if you’re in the shit storm right now, if you are on the high ground, just notice how your mind is thinking about your life, about your business, about the things that you want. What are you telling yourself about them?
Are you telling yourself not yet? Are you telling yourself when? Are you saying, “Well, when I become successful, when I have the money, when I have this”? You will never get there because you are depriving yourself of the first step, and the first step is saying yes, and believing in whatever it is that you want, and creating it in your own life.
Do more of those things now. Get clear on them and do more of those things now even though they’re scary. I promise you, you’re not the only one that is scared about these things. We are all in it together, doing big things in the world, and it’s just such a beautiful thing. Such a beautiful thing to be able to come out on the other side and say, “Wow, I’m alive. I made it. I’m alive, and look how beautiful life is because I said yes, and I believed in myself.”
The other thing that I really want you to practice is the body compass. You got to figure out which direction is a yes and a no. So, ask yourself a question that you know the answer to that feels really good, and notice if your body leans forward to yes, or backwards to yes, or forward to know, or backwards to know. Test it out a couple of times, and you use that to tune into your body to do some of the harder decisions.
This has been a question that I’ve asked many of my coaches. How do you make decisions? Are they truly just strategic decisions? Seeing other people create massive success in their life, how do they work through some of those hard things? How do they work through the fears? How do they know that it’s the right time to create a new website, to launch a new brand, to go into business for yourself, to invest in a new wardrobe, to go on the trip? How do you know it’s the right time?
Sometimes if you’re just looking at it on paper, if you’re using your head, again, you’re going to talk yourself out of it. So, tune into your heart. That’s when our real big stuff starts to come forward, and we start to create those miracles, is tuning in and making decisions with our heart, and believing and being there for them.
So, again, it’s not a surprise. I’m headed to New York City. I’m going to be ringing in my birthday in New York this year. I did this last year, and I think these moments that we take out of our lives are the ones that create our story, and it’s what we actually remember too. These things that we say yes to, it is truly what you remember.
You don’t remember the day to day of what you were doing. I don’t, at least. What I was doing March 6th, 2019, I don’t remember, but I do remember being in Central Park on my birthday thinking about and being so present about what my wishes were, what my goals were, what my wishes were for this coming year. I still remember it to the day, and making those wishes into the most beautiful fountains that I find in New York City.
I vividly remember going to the museums with my husband and having that time just for us. Our walks in Central Park, the tulips blooming. I remember those moments. I remember doing a Facebook live in Central Park after I got over my shit of what I had just done with Elsa Isaac, and the money that I invested in, and the fact that I was there.
I vividly remember those feelings, and they’re such impactful moments in our life. It is what creates our story. It’s not the hustle and sitting in front of our computer day in and day out, it’s the beautiful things that you get to go and do. It’s my trip to Italy all by myself, solo, what that meaning was to me. It was bigger than just saying, “Oh, I’m going to Italy, and I’m taking a yacht to Capri.” My God. Talk about a shift in your mindset, and the beauty that’s around you, and the gratitude walking on the path of the gods.
Those experiences are what create our life. We have to be able to start saying yes to more of them, as we’re also working our asses off creating the opportunities for those to present themselves rather than just saying like, “Well, no. Maybe later.” That’s what it’s worth. That’s what life is all about.
So, I’m headed to New York City. It’s going to be a girls trip because I’m craving a girls trip. I’m craving being able to go out and say, “I’m going to order some beautiful drinks.” I have for years wanted to take a hip hop class, like funky hip hop. I’ve never been a great dancer. I was in dance not my entire life, but all through high school, my aunt owned a dance studio, and I danced.
I swear I was her worst student because I was just the goofball making up for the fact that I was terrified of going out on the stage. I also was just not really that coordinated. So, sometimes in my head, I think, “Man, I’m such a good dancer.” I listen to my music, and then I watch myself in the mirror, and I’m like, “Oh, maybe not.”
Anyways, I don’t care if I’m good or not, but I really want to learn hip hop, so I do care if I’m good. I do want to become a better dancer and more confident. So, I’m going to find a really funky, fun hip hop dance studio and do a group dance class, if I have a group joining me, which I’m pretty sure we will at this point. I’m going to get styled by Elsa because I absolutely love her, and she creates so much magic in my world.
I am going to get my hair and my makeup done. I’m going to get some fun, new shoots in the city. I’m going to feel inspired by the lights. I’m going to walk through Central Park. I’m going to make my wishes in the same fountains that I did last year ringing in 34, and just finding out that I was pregnant with my son. Now, I’m going back a year later, and have gone through entire pregnancy and bringing him into the world. I’m really, really, really excited about it.
So, as I’ve thought about this, and where I’ve come from this, is that there are so many women that want the same experience, or have asked me about it. Even my team members that I work with all over the world are like, “Man, I want to come to this.” They’re working on it with me in the details, and I’m like, “What about this idea? Is it the right time? Do I have enough time if people wanted to come with? What about the pricing? Can I make pricing work that it’s more economical?”
There’s so many reasons telling myself, “Well, maybe not right now, or maybe this isn’t going to work.” Then I just said, “Who am I to deprive everybody of this incredible experience?” I want as many people to feel this as I can. So, if I’m going at it so low, cool, I want to go anyways, but how could I create an event where I have some pretty bomb people by my side that they’re having fun, and how much fun would that be?
That is where I’m at. So, if you guys are interested, if you think that this might be a good opportunity to work on your brand, to get some photos taken, to just experience the experience, to go and dance, and laugh, and have fun, to have some free time away from life away, away from significant others, away from work, away from babies, working on goals and bigger aspirations. There is no better place to do it than New York City.
So, if you have an interest in this, I am putting together a group experience, and I would love to chat with you to see if it’s something that would be a good fit for you. Feel free to reach out, and you’ll probably see some details roll out too over the next few weeks, but it’s going to happen pretty quick. So, I hope you all think about that. Anybody that is interested, I hope you say yes to yourself because you deserve it.
I hope you guys have an incredible week. I hope you found some nuggets within this podcast. I talked about so much because I’m literally just on fire and sometimes when I have so much content that I want to share with everyone, it’s like, “Man, how do I get this all out in 30 minutes? How do I articulate what it is that is so incredibly powerful?” So, hope you have some little takeaways from this week. I hope you join me in NYC, and I’ll see you all next week. We’ll talk to you soon.
To team up with me to grow and scale your business to multiple six figures and seven figures while creating a life that you absolutely love, head on over to loveyourlivingonline.com/application. I want to hear from you. I want to hear your goals, your dreams, your aspirations, and how I can help get you there, loveyourlivingonline.com/application. You can also check out this link in the show notes. I cannot wait to hear from you.