Tune in to hear my story, which led me to mistakenly thinking I needed a fundamental change in my life. I thought I was stuck, but analyzing my situation made me realize how truly lucky I actually was at the time.
In this podcast, you will discover why we feel big changes are necessary, how to step back and take stock of your life, and why there is only one adjustment which will really bring you the satisfaction you crave.
Welcome to Love Your Living, a podcast for ambitious women who choose to have it all. Learn how to achieve the massive success you’ve been dreaming of in your business and your personal life. Here’s your host, multiple six-figure business owner and a life stylist, Brooke Keeling.
Hello, hello and welcome to episode number eight of the Love Your Living podcast, where we get real; real in talking about life, ambition, growth and the reality of it. I’m curious if anyone has ever been in a place where you just feel stuck. Nothing seems to be going the way that you want it to go. You’re tired. You’re tired of your house, you’re tired of your surroundings, you’re tired of your spouse, your job, your family.
You want something different. You need something different. You think, if I could just get out, if I could just move, if I just had different friends, if I lived in a different city then I would be successful, then I would be happy, then I would have the most romantic relationship. You just want to change. You want to move and then you feel like you could find success and whatever it is that you’re seeking.
I’ve been in this place many times before and I was in this place last year. I felt the walls of my life closing in on me. I had a little babes at home and I’m very much someone that loves my personal space. In fact, I actually need my personal space. I know this. I need it in order to survive. I am very much an introvert and although I get along with people really well and I enjoy being around people, which allows me to run my team and thrive in my business, being around people too much drains me.
I know that in order to fill me up, I need to have my space. And once I had my daughter, there really wasn’t such a thing of personal space anymore; at least the way that it used to be for me. I have a nanny, I have a cleaning crew, I had family in and out of my house daily. And don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful. I have so much help and support in my life, but I also need my alone time.
I needed boundaries and I needed space. At the time, I felt suffocated. I had a call with a coach at the time and – I’ll never forget this – I broke down crying. And I don’t cry very often, but I remember this so vividly. I was literally taking the call in my car because my house was full and my office was full and I felt I had nowhere to go. And I told her, “I think I just need to move. I need a bigger house.”
And the reality was I didn’t need a bigger house. A bigger house was really just making and masking the bigger issues that maybe I didn’t want to acknowledge or deal with at the time. It was easier to just move, in my mind.
Fast forward to today and I’m still in the same house, I’m happy, I feel spacious and I love my home. I truly do love my home. And I often question myself, what changed? Well, for me, I had to set some boundaries for myself. I had to really take a good look at what was happening on the day to day and address what wasn’t working to support me.
I was in between nannies at the time. I had my mom, I had my husband’s mom and a friend helping with coverage for the baby. And throughout the week, I had three different schedules just within my home that I was trying to manage. Again, I love my momma; I love my family and friends but I also was managing a team of 11, managing clients and two businesses. It was too much.
I was starting to get really resentful. Because I was feeling resentful, I was judging myself big time; judging my thoughts. I would tell myself that it wasn’t about me, it was about what was best for the baby, family is better than a nanny. I would also tell myself, you’re not allowed to have these feelings. Be grateful.
And believe me, I was grateful. I had so much love and help, but the reality was, it wasn’t working for me. I also felt a different connection with my mom. It was a different connection with my husband, having family in our house four days a week. I felt like I was putting a lot on my family, and for free. And I don’t like people giving me things for free.
To me, it’s this sense of trying to always be fair and give back and make it right. And there’s also a sense of being indebted to them; which is not the case most of the time. But because of that feeling, I was trying to accommodate their life as well and be fair and accommodate their schedules. There was guilt, there was resentment, there was a lot going on. And to me at the time, it just seemed easier to move.
I didn’t move. I asked myself, what do I need? I hired a full-time nanny again, which allowed me to set some very clear expectations in order to support my sanity, my mental and physical wellbeing, giving back to myself what I needed. This also allowed me to have my relationship back with my mom.
Although if anyone listening has kids, mommas want to help. They want to see their grandbabies and I don’t blame them, but you also have to go what you need to do for you. And they will understand and support you, or they won’t. I have both. That is a choice that they get to make, not you. It’s not your responsibility or job to keep everybody happy all the time, which so many of us do especially with the people that we love.
By taking control of your life and your happiness, it, for me at least, allowed my family to figure out what they needed to figure out to make them happy. Or it won’t, again, not your problem. But in addition, my home felt different. My relationship with my husband changed and everything was very positive; all of the relationships. And it was a positive transition in turn and it created more balance and happiness and healthier relationships as well.
So rather than running away from what was really going on we made changes. We reassessed what was really causing the feelings and that helped us grow in so many areas of our lives. This pattern happens all of the time if you just look around. I have a friend that I love and I care about so deeply and there is a pattern in their relationship.
Relationships especially I see this pattern. In the beginning, it’s all a party. It’s fun, it’s exciting, happy and literally just a party all the time. Then life sets in. the newness wares off. The party starts to end. Throw kids in the mix, finances in the mix, schedules, life, and it’s hard. It’s really hard at times.
But rather than working through the harder times, so many people move on to the next; it’s easier to just move on. The grass is greener on the other side. But guess what happens – the same thing. The exact same struggles, the exact same barrier in communication, the exact same you don’t make me happy, it’s all your fault.
Newsflash, it isn’t an external change or a new partner or a new house, a new city that’s going to change your future relationships and happiness; it’s you. It’s you having the courage and the honesty to look deep within yourself at what might be happening inside and how you can change it.
There’s a YouTube video that I absolutely love. It’s called Mindshift. And the opening paragraph on it is, “You can change your hair, you can change your clothing, you can change your spouse, but if you don’t change your mind, the same experiences will perpetuate itself over and over again because everything outwardly changed, but nothing inwardly changed.”
Beyoncé also has a quote that I absolutely love. It says, “It’s so liberating to really know what I want; what truly makes me happy, what I will not tolerate. I have learned that it is no one else’s job to take care of me but me.” Think about that; even Beyoncé has gone through these phases of life.
What I love so much is knowing and hearing and feeling that I’m not alone in my judgy thoughts, struggles, feeling like honestly a bitch at times because I’m living life on my terms. There’s nothing wrong with that. And if you have people that are not okay with that, they need to go.
When you transition from one phase of life to another, you have to be willing to try. Get uncomfortable, stand up for yourself, take accountability for your happiness and for your life. These concepts and messages have literally changed the way I view my life. It’s liberating.
It allows me to look really deep inside of myself when things aren’t going the way that I want. Rather than blaming my happiness of external things and people, I take full accountability for myself. If I’m not happy, it’s no one else’s fault but my own. For me, that has allowed me to let go of so much of the guilt that comes from trying to please people because deep down, I know that I am the only one that controls my happiness and that also goes for that other person; they have to find happiness for themselves.
It’s not a burden or a job that I have to carry with me, but I can support them and love them. I think too many times in life, we think if only I had this, if only I had this money, if only I had this spouse, if only I lived in this neighborhood or this city or whatever, I’d be successful, I’d be happy, I would be fulfilled. Whatever it is, you name it, we all go through life at times in this mindset.
And I’ve really challenged myself lately to think, what is it that I can do now? What is it that I can create now that’s going to support my happiness? What is it that I could do now, little things that I could tweak or adjust or create in my life to create those feelings and that life that I want now?
So my challenge for you this week is to take a look at an area in your life that maybe you’re not the happiest with. What’s really happening there? What stories do you have around it? What changes could you make? What tiny tweaks could you make this week? And what do you want more of? What are you dreaming of in life? What are you longing for?
Is it more happiness? Is it more fun? Is it more adventure, more pleasure? Whatever it is, see if you can create more of that now in your own life, in your own settings, in the now. Don’t wait until all of those things happen because if you constantly wait until, you still will never be happy. Oftentimes, it isn’t as complicated as we think.
Start with your internal scenery. Change your mindset. Remember that it is no one else’s job in life to make you happy. You’re in charge of your life; go get what you want.
I’ve created a little worksheet just to get your mind going a bit on this concept. And oftentimes, I know for me, if I write things out it helps me really get clear on what’s happening and what are some of the things and ideas that I could do that I can implement over this week that’s going to create more of whatever it is that I want.
So you can check out the worksheet in this episode’s show notes. You can also go to loveyourlivingonline.com/8. This exercise literally will take you five to 10 minutes, but hopefully it will help you get clear on some of the areas where you want to create something more in your life.
And of course, if you think we might be onto something great with our mission and passion to help women create a business and a life that they love, please take the time to leave me a review in iTunes. I really love hearing feedback as well. Not only does it help me but it helps other women just like you find the show.
So you can visit loveyourlivingonline.com/itunes for directions on how you can review the show. I hope you all have a great week. We’ll see you next week.
Thanks for showing up and listening to this week’s episode of Love Your Living. If you’re ready to create a business and life you love, or simply take your already pretty incredible life to the next level, head over to loveyourlivingonline.com/balance to download our five-step guide creating more balance in your life.